All I see in this post is: "I am punishing myself because I'm trying to punish others for their horrible treatment of me."

But Sammi, you punishing yourself isn't going make them more repentant or you hurt less...but it is letting them "win" and succeed in what they were trying to do- mentally fuck with you.

I know how you feel about your brother- my sister was beaten so badly by my father at age 17 that she could have been killed, and I had always regretted that I was too hesitant to call the police (social workers did nothing, so why should they?). But you have to do this for yourself, and hold no remorse for wanting to LIVE. Your brother would want the same for you, and I'm sure if he realised all the pain you are suffering, he would say: "My poor big sister..."

Right now, it seems your biggest triggers are family...duh, Lily. So should you stick around with family? No...duh, Lily. But where to go? And should you run away? And how would you pay your way? You have struggled with this disorder and every thought in your head, that you will be able to survive the hardest things in life- which is LIVING life, instead of hiding from it and dancing around it. But...you need to get out now, before you kill yourself out of spite.

Don't talk to them; talk to a guidance counsellour, a priest/rabbi/pastor you trust, a professor you trust, peer counsellour, therapist/doctor (yes the very same one you think will ignore your problems), older friend, friend with parents who give a damn, neighbours who you trust, even teen and adolescent hotlines.

I don't think that physically 'running away' from this will solve your problems. After all, this is more of a mental disorder than physcial, so whatever you have in your head now, will stay with you - regardless of your geographic location. (I am removed physically from my triggers, but it still happens, because they are in my head).

As for your brother - you say you couldn't run away because of what will happen to him - my question to you is - why doesn't the same apply to you harming yourself in front of him? Your ED (or mine) can actually rub off on people, in one way or another, and I am sure if you are that close to him, that he has some idea of what's going on. In my opinion, you should stay even closer to his side and show his what your strenght can accomplish.

Best of luck to you.

sammi you no who this is and you no me lots i love care for you always and my heart is with you i love you soooooooooooooooooooooooo much

First of all you are an adult, so you need to tell your parents to respect you. That works both ways of course. Then tell your doctor how bad you are still doing. Your mother shouldn't even be involved with your doctor. Tell him you don't allow him to discuss your case with your mother. Go to the clinic, work your hardest on getting better and than you will be strong enough to help your brother. If you really think your mother cooks certain things to punish you, ignore her. Don't get upset just get something to eat you feel comfortable with. That will take the fun away from her.
Good luck, hon

Even if you run, what makes you think the problem will go away? Ok your parents aren't supporting you the right way but neither will anyone else unless they understand how you feel and explain exactly what does and doesn't help you. You should probably see your doctor on your own, explain all the problems and issues with your disorder and your family, at least they understand what's going on exactly.Please ask for help, you deserve happiness.Feel free to message me about anything.x Amelia Take care.

THEY JUST HAD AGO AT ME FOR GETTING SOMETHING TO EAT :'( I CANT WIN.

Sammi, have you allowed every person who has met you/come in contact with you/care about you/loved you/liked you control how you feel about certain topics? I'm guessing not. Have they dictated what your every move is? Probably not.

And so, why let your parents do that? They are human beings, mere mortals, just ants like everyone else on this planet. So do what you need to do for you. They are thinking about "number one" so that's what you have to do for yourself as well.

And seriously, don't post a thread asking for advice if you don't take a small bit away from it. Please. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

(I apologise if that is harsh.)

Thanks you made me feel so much better about myself.

I guess we can't win.

people should hink about what saying to other in post people get hurt and others are in pain so diffrent

No your rigth we cant win can we! Just you remember that.

My posts were never malicious, never unfeeling. They were blunt, yes. And that's because everyone needs honest advice, not just some crap about "oh but everyone loves you."

I've suffered the same illness as you for my entire life (okay, those first five or six years were "blissful"). This isn't my way of getting into a pissing competition, or downing on another person in distress. I understand what you're going through in a different way- my parents were abusive, my younger sister bore the brunt of the abuse because she was the rebel (that means not getting straight-As or wanting to go to college) of the family, and I was suffering. I moved out at 18, scared to death for my sister after she was nearly killed, like I said. But she moved out about six months later to live with my grandmother and aunt, and things worked out. They have ways of doing that.

Sorry

And even better, my sister has become a musical legend in CA:
http://www.myspace.com/rickyberger

Check her out.