i am too tired to keep on fighting right now. i just don't want to eat or participate in anything around me. i can't see how this will ever end and i just don't have it in me to fight today. when even the slightest thing upsets me its like i can feel my stomach closing up and i get this intense wave of pain and anxiety that feels like it is literally taking over my body. i start to feel ill thinking about anything i may have eaten already that day and feeling guilty and ashamed for being so weak. I KNOW how much this is my eating disorder trying to take my life over again and i know that this means i'm still sick. i am so good so much of the time but i just don't think i can do it today.
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