Unfortunately, I can feel the "monster" creeping up on me again, and I am having mixed feelings about it. Part of me is angry, and part of me is relieved at the same time. I've started having anxiety around meal times and feel fat and worthless when I am eating, an all too familiar feeling. I thought I scared myself straight after falling very ill after 4 weeks of restricting and mainly starving, but now I feel like I will never get away from this. I hate myself when I eat and I want to be thinner....but I don't want to cause myself harm and freak out my family again. I don't know what to do now......
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??