I thought i was coping really well,it had been almost two years since i last had a crisis with my bulimia,then my self centred husband who i thought i knew [we have been together 25+yrs and been married 23yrs] turned round in november and told me,he was leaving me he said he loved me but he wasen,t in love with me? what the hell thats was meant i don,t know!he moved out two week,s before christmas and during that time he finally admitted there was another woman,to say i was heart broken is a big understatement! he told me she has three kid,s 23,18 and 16yrs and her husband was a womaniser,yet here she is knowing we were married so along she came leaving her kid,s behind and they have now shacked up together in a one bedroom flat,i have alot of health problem,s and i was doing really well,i am undergoing chemo at the moment for renal cancer and i am really struggerling to pay off my debt,s,i also have started to eat when i,m hungry then i feel so bloody guilty that i,m making myself sick and i,m now back on 20+ laxatives and i know it isn,t helping me but i can,t seem to stop,i tell myself don,t worry it,ll be ok tomorrow then tomorrow comes and i,m back to square one,if i,m honest i feel better yet i feel guilty at the same time,i know however if i don,t stop i will die,i feel in control yet i don,t like it,i keep thinking well you,ve done your job you,ve raised your son your husband no longer wants you,so i can control what i eat,i,ve gotta have bloodwork done and i know i,ll be low on my potassium as well as all the other viatinm,s i need,i wish i could control it better than i am,i know if i don,t get help i will die i also know it,s not helping my cancer yet i like being in control,it,s getting to the stage where i am constantly looking for calories on everything i eat,if i can,t purge and get rid of it later then i take as many laxatives as i can even tho i,m throwin up anyway cuz of my treatment,is it me being back with my friend bulimia or what? i don,t want to stop because this is my control.
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