I need help, support, love, anythingggg. I feel worthless and forgotten and not cared about. I feel like such a burden to everyone. A comment was made that i'm not the same Kaitlin that i used to be. I realize this. I miss who I used to be. I miss being supportive and a great friend and happy and smiley and optimistic. I'm ruining my life. I know that the rational thing would be to tell my therapist/parents and get into a more intensive treatment program. however.... it seems so foreign to me. i'm scared to death. ive done this to myself. ive ruined everything. i cant end up in the er again. i cant deal with ems again. i have flushed all of my pills down the toilet. i at least did that for my sanity. no more painkillers or diet pills or effexor. I've tried to eat more but i could only get down 2 bites of a banana without spitting the rest out. i dont know what is making me so scared to eat all the sudden. i was doing well at beating this up until last semester. now ive been defeated. im terrified that i wont be able to ever find the same kaitlin ever again. i miss her.
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