Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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I will never be free!

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am at a low right now. I was posting in my journal and wrote "and we will never be free." and it really struck me how true that statement is. We will recover....but we won't ever be free. ED will always be an invisible ghost hovering in the back ground just waiting for us to slip up. Makes recovery seem like such a scary thing to try and have. Almost mythical if you ask me. So I guess we have to aim for recovery yet know we will always be challenged. Survival of the fittest......almost like animal planet. I don't want ED to have me forever...I want to be free!
Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
We will all be free someday. If we are truely recovered, we will be.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've been thinking about this a lot. Some therapists say you can recover 100%, some say it will always be with you but you can lead a fairly normal life.
My belief is that it will never totally let me go, which is pretty frustrating, but I would be satisfied with being able to eat normal and not feel guilty or fat. If Ed visits and I can tell him to go to hell that would be good enough for me
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree- for me it is something that has pretty much become a part of me. Not because I want to keep it, but because it has already been with me for so many years. Sometimes I go through periods of normalcy and other times the ED flares up, but it's always there lingering. I just try to use it and my knowledge to help other girls dealing with the same issues that I have dealt with. I wish there would come a day that I was completely free, but I don't think it will so I just take what God has given me and use it in the most positive way I can.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was in recovery once for 5 years. I still had ED thoughts but I was able to ignore them. When I was in recovery I thought anorexia was a thing of the past and that it would never happen to me again. I think this is why I relapsed. I just thout I was "over it", but I don't think you can ever be "over it". Yeah KArrin, I was able to say go to hell when ED came along with his nasty thoughts. Gosh, those were the good ole days. Recovery was great. You will be free someday. But even people who have never had an ED still have their "fat days" and thoughts of getting fat. It's just part of being human.
deleted_user
deleted_user
this is a great post. For the past two days I have been saying if Icould have one wish it would be ONE DAY WITHOUT ED I can only imagine not waking up to ed telling me what to do , eat, not eat, not do, or other ways to sneak around this. Just thik how glorious one day without food preoccupations or urges, purges, or binged would be. I so want just one day.
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