Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Eating Disorders Support Group

i want to recover but i dont

deleted_user
deleted_user
This is gona sound weird I think,

But I have been sick for a long time,
I am physically drained, emotionally nearly dead, I can not cope anymore,
If this eating disorder carries on I dont think I will have any tears left to cry....

I am on medication, and starting therapy Wednesday,
And I hope to god I can get rid of this, there are no words to explain the grief and torture I have,
But...

Some of me doesnt want to recover, I want to be thin still, I have my depression hole, and I am comfortable staying here. at least I know who I am when I have this to cling onto.
Its my own private secret, its mine, and its me. I dont want to loose it.
Its my own way of dealing with hardship and sadness,
What if recovery means I get fat again, and what if I cant find another way of dealing with things?

Who will it make me become?
Im terrified.
Juice
Juice
If you recover, it means food won't have a hold on you any more, so you won't magically get fat.
I don't want to be negative, but your ED is something you always need to be watchful of.
On the other hand, you have a great insight into why you have an ED, and that's a great place to start!
deleted_user
deleted_user
you can do things take time i have had a ec for long time to push little each day face a tiny fear each day if you take a step back dont worry theres always next day am here for you
deleted_user
deleted_user
One...you are NOT weird. I have felt and still feel the same way. It is normal to wonder what will happen after. The best thing about it is that the depression is not all you are and does not make you who you are. In therapy, they will teach you new ways to cope. And you may gain a bit of weight, but you will not be fat. You will also learn to not focus on the weight and to love yourself. Each part will be a baby step and therapy and meds will be there to help along the way. I am here if you need a shoulder or an ear who understands what you are goin through though! I wish you the best of luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your counselor will teach you other ways to deal with things. I understand being scared of what's next, or whatever. Trust me, you'll get through it. Write me if ya need anything.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That's the thought we all struggle with I think. We know we are totally unhappy and sick and want desperately to be better, but we are afraid to give up our ED identity because we don't know who we will be without it.
One thing I can promise you, if you go into treatment they won't make you fat. They will get you close to your ideal body weight and than reduce your food intake. They know that making you fat would be a guaranty to relapse.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thank you all so much,
im crying again, i feel so down today.

i appreciate all your comments so so much.
they have all helped!!!!

i just feel like its never gona go away, but its so nice for so many people i have never met to offer support. i am slightly overwhelmed.

all of you seam to understand the pain i feel too, which is terrible for you all. im so sorry you all feel this bad too.

im really glad i am on this site. i dont feel so alone....

x
x
deleted_user
deleted_user
i know exactly what you mean, i have just gone into recovery in the last week or so, its scary taking that first step into it but just focus fully on it. You can do it! you are beautiful without your eating disorder, you remember that! You are a full person without it!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are not weird, i am feeling the same. I do want to recover, but part of me resists, that part is the ED, and that's what recovery will bring us eventually, all of us wanting to be healthy and no ED making us ill. It's hard, but we will get there!
hersong
hersong
wow. i know how you feel.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Recovery doesn't mean being overweight! re-feeding, re-nourishing so you are giving your brain a fighting chance does not equal FAT. You have a desire to achieve well in your studies and be successful, don't throw it all away, hope that the meds help and therapy supportive Fane x
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