fighting with yourself is always a bad idea! I hope that you find some way to break the cycle and live. hugs

im so sorry your feeling like this i was exactly the same a couple of months ago i didnt eat anything for 14 days but then i got really depressed and soon turned to binging and purging again, ive been the same ever since so im now fighting myself to stop eating as much. good luck xx

You're not fighting with yourself but with ED. See him as the one who is destroying your life and wants to take you away from your daughters. Seeing the situation like another person is doing this to you might make it a bit easier to fight back and start eating. After all you would let another person hurt your kids. Yell, scream and kick him out.

In order for me to fight ED, I first need to accept that I have an eating disorder...and I'm not quite sure that I'm there yet. My weight is in the normal range...and although I KNOW that weight does not always determine an ED, I can't seem to accept that I have one....

the interesting thing is...I have lost alot of weight...but I have never been able to SEE in when I look in the mirror. When I look, I see the same....always. The other day, my sister tagged some photos of me on facebook, and I was so surprised...in the photos...I can really see it...

I just read your journal and on Saturday you write how you just can't fight ED.
Today you wrote you put of eating to the next day and then to the next day because you think you are fat and can't see in the mirror all the weight you lost. So I think you know you have an ED. Be honest with yourself, even if you can't be with others.

I am being honest...as much as I can be Karrin..sometimes I'm convinced I have an ED, then my mind keeps telling me that I'm not because I'm too fat...It's a constant fight...and I really wish it would stop, because I can't stand it anymore...I so want to throw in the towel right now...

I'm sorry. I didn't want to be too harsh on you. Don't throw in the towel. Do the best you can. I mentioned this once before. What helped me to see how skinny I really was when my husband took a naked picture of me. It was disgusting but in the mirror I couldn't see that.
Hugs

I'm crying now....because I don't want to do this again. Yet...I'm too emotionally drained to fight this anymore...

From reading your posts, I can relate so much it's scary - almost as if my unconsious self wrote this for me.

Until about a week ago, I had never admitted to anyone, not even myself that I might have an ED. I sat back and read posts, and after relating to alot of this stuff, I can admit that these are characteristics or traits that I possess. If you can say the same, then you should admit it - to yourself, and to others.

I actually admitted it today to a doctor for the first time. Although it was nerve racking, my pulse was racing because I was afraid of what he would say - I was generally surprised at his reaction. He was very supportive, sympathetic and helpful. He is recommending me to a group counselling session to 'see if it's for me or not'. Maybe you could do the same...

After all, I'd hate to read a post in a year from now with you saying one of your daughters are showing signs or symptoms...

I want to apologise if my post seemed rude - or offended anyone.

Thanks

My doctor is very aware, and the hospital has given me a diagnosis of EDNOS...I am the one who can't accept it. When I'm feeling emotionally strong...I know and admit I have an ED...when I'm drained...I'm like "screw it...I do not have an ED..I'm just depressed...not hungry...it will blow over..." I'm at the point now where I'm beginning to give up. I haven't eaten in a number of days, and I ahve not drank anything in 2 days. i just can't get myself to do it....it's almost like I'm giving in to a slow suicide....

Bambam, why would you feel that you were offensive? You were not offensive in any way. Your post made me feel like I was not alone, and in fact is making me able to open up more. Great job on telling your doctor...when I did it I was soooo nervous...but interesting thing is...she knew before I said anything.

Please don't feel like you offended anyone....you helped me out more than you know...

I talked with my husband, and I feel a little bit better...I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow morning and I promised him I would be honest with her...Thanks to everyone who took the time to help me out in my time of need...I really appreciate it.

*hug*

I went through just about all of this, exactly as you described it. Accepting it was so hard for me, just like you said.

Even after I'm out of inpatient and pretty normal again, I still have my thoughts and doubts of ED too. You're not, not, not alone. Anything but.

I'm glad you talked to your hubby and pledged honesty... huge step! Keep strong, you have my full support =)