Donna,
you are most definitely not alone & I relate to how you are feeling about not feeling like you are 'bad enough' for what seems like really serious treatment. But the truth is, sometimes its hard for us to really see how much we need that help. I am normal for my height and weight and yet the things i do to myself are so dangerous I am probably slowly killing myself and i don't even know it. My therapist wants me to get some lab work done and the thought of it makes me terrified and sick to my stomach. There are days when I feel like I am absolutely fine...then there are days when I really believe in my heart that I need so much more help than what I am getting right now.
Don't ever feel like just the outside doesn't look sick doesn't mean you don't need or deserve help. ED have a way with your mind & i can guarantee you that your voices are just like everyone else's. You are not alone and you deserve all the help in the world. Please be brave and choose treatment. I only wish I was strong enough to ask for that kind of help...we are all here for you and if you need someone to talk to you can always message me
Ashley

Hey Donna,
Your not alone. I understand how scary it is. I do agree with Ashley and that you sould try and be brave. As same as you guys. It is hard and the voices do not makes us crazy. Honest. I feel crazy too due to the voices but we all can get better. My height and weight dont match what I am either. I am overweight. But I struggle everyday to try to not listen to the ED. It is very hard. But go with the treatment. It could give you even more strength. You never know what it may have in store in a positive aspect. HUGS. We are here for you. If you need to talk im here.

~Dorinda

not that ur overweight ...cuz i have no idea if u r or arent...but when i was in treatment, there were girls there who were overweight...but who's bodies needed help because they were just as sick as the girls who were really skinny..not everyone with an ED gets really skinny...there is a girl on here who started out at like 350lbs, got an ED...and lost alot of weight...she is still overweight...but is really really sick because she is at a weight her body wasnt meant to be at....

I think most people with an ED, whatever their weight, questions whether they are 'sick' enough for treatment. I think it is part of being someone with an ED - that we don't deserve things, like help, that we're not 'good' enough at our disorder therefore not 'bad' enough for help, that some days we can see it and some we can't. But i also think the media plays a part in that the only ED stories you hear are ones of very low weight anorexics accompanied with shocking pictures. I think that they struggle to understand the psychological and physical damage of an ED, so can only relate to the very obvious signs - ie a very emaciated person. So that's what most people, even us with ED's see as 'having an ED that needs help', otherwise we figure 'i am not that bad, so ....'. Does that make sense? anyway, Ed's are not to do with weight, and in my OP programme there are women of all different weights, all struggling with the same psychological and emotional pain, and putting our bodies through the same dangers. You deserve help.

They are all correct...everybody is different! When I went into treatment last summer there where people of all different body types, but all very sick.

I hope your appt. goes well, and you let us know how it goes.

Wow everyone's responses to this are really great. I agree with what everyone's been saying: you deserve help! It's not about what size you are. I know how you feel because I'm overweight and I often feel like I don't deserve to get help for my ED unless I lose weight and get really skinny, but I know in my heart that that's not true. EDs don't discriminate. They can seriously damage you at any weight. Good luck!
-Ellie

*hug* remember you are not crazy at all, hon, i wish all of us could go for treatment and to be honest ive lived with my ed for 20- years and I went to the doctor myself to get help cos i was severly suicidal and everything was caving in but no one told me im too thin, i thought i was huge, i know ed has various of ranges and things but the fact is when we need help we need help no matter our size, it's our minds that needs to be healed and then the body. *hug* I really hope you go into treatment and forget about the size issue cos i see ed as a mind illness not at all to do with size, i know everyone makes us believe size is what's important but ive had it for 20 years now and i know ed thinking when i come accross it, no matter what size you are *hug*it's sad that the rest of the world are so mis informed, youre def not alone *hug*

Thank you all for the replies. It helps me go into the assessment with a better attitude than before. I maybe scaried, but in someways now I believe that I desevre that treatment I think. But I do still struggle with this. I will let you all know how Monday goes. I can't let ED keep on killing me. I need this to stop. But with support I can do this, I think.

Donna

Yes you can do this. xxxx

donna, im not that deep in ED... I got help early when I first noticed the negative behaviors...

I knew something was wrong and got help...

its ok... sick is all relative... if you need help you need help...

you don't have to be 70 pounds and dying to get help...

you are worth it :)

I think you have to realise that the more members in your team of help the safer you will be, therapists and specialists come in and out of your care plan and address your immediate needs, so dont panic you are getting MORE help to cope with, its just a different kind of help so welcome it and stop worrying. xxxxx

Donna ,sweetheart ,i do understand how you feel.
My daughter is anorexic/bulimic ,and though underweight ,has had it indicated to her ,by her therapist (Not an ed specialist) ,that unless she is severely under her weight ,they wont take her in ,or give her the treatment she so desperately needs!
This makes me ,as her mum ,so VERY angry!
YOu are ALL entitled to the same ,respect ,love ,support and whatever treatment you need!
Good luck ,please dont give up ,persist in what you want sweetie.
Im here for you ,as i know are the others here.
We`re in this together!
Love ,hugs and very best wishes ,sharon xoxoxox

I just got back from my assessment and my insurance won't cover the hospital I was at. I found this out after I went through the 2 hour assessment. So, I was denied, which i was afraid that might happen. I don't know if I am going to give up. It was very hard to go through that assessment and then be told no. I want to cry, but I am so numb right now that crying seems so useless. I so want to do ED more, but I don't want to either. I am just very upset with this. I don't know. Right now I want to give up. I don't deserve to get well because I am not sick enough. But I am sick. The battle of the mind, I hate it so much. I am so sorry for the vent, it hurts when you are denied, you feel like a reject. Anyway, that is what happened today.
Donna

Oh Donna i am so sorry about your insurance not covering it. That sucks big time. What was the result of the assessment? I am just wondering if you could have at least got something out of the situation?

I completely understand where your comin from with that... in fact i asked for advice on this board about this not so long ago... i didnt think i was 'bad enuf' for IP etc ... n with everyone in my family etc constantly saying how much better i look now im putting on weight etc... im normal weight as many bulimics are if not a little overweight... and these guys on DS actually helped me to realise that ED is ruining my life and that bulimia is just as dangerous as anorexia... the physical effects are just a lot less obvious to the public eye... Im going into IP in a couple of months... i know if i dont my life is not gonna get any better... you DO need IOP or PHP... and you DO deserve it coz you deserve a better life!! x