I've been through a lot of different Therapists since 1998, some Females and some Males and for different reasons I've gotten along with both Females and Males. I had this one Female Therapist that I really hated to see go, because she was more than just a Therapist to me; she was a friend. She knew how hard it was for me to talk about certain situations, so she would turn her chair around so she wouldn't be looking at me and I found it a lot easier for me to talk to her than if she had been looking at me. And she gave me "safe" hugs. Then I had this Caseworker that I thought was my friend, she used to give me "safe" hugs all the time and I just really needed that. I could never explain it, but it would never fail; as soon as she'd give me a hug...I'd start to cry. But anyway, the Therapist I have now is a male and it's been really hard for me; because the "safe" hugs have stopped. I can't ask him to hug me that would be wrong in the first place; considering he's a man. Secondly, he's my Therapist. There are just a lot of reasons that make it totally wrong for me to ask and plus, I would be terrified that if he was to even try to; I would totally freak out and...I don't know. Scream, run in the corner, walk off and never come back or even worse....start crying. But there have been a lot of times that I just need to cry, but I don't want him to just sit there in his chair and watch me act like a big baby. I guess what I'm saying, is I wish he could take over as the kind of dad that I never in my life ever had and come over to me and hold me. Like a father would do, like I wish my dad would have done. When I cried, all my dad did was slap me across the face. But I know that would be wrong, because he's just my Therapist and he's a guy and he's never going to be my dad and I really need to come to terms with that. It's just been really hard. I mean, it's not like I ever really had a dad in the first place. But my dad and I did ever once in awhile do things together, but now we'll never get that chance again. No more hikes, no more going out for a damn soda, no more going to the show to watch a movie. Just the little things, it will never be again. I guess the question I have is, actually I have two questions; how do I get past the "Therapist" vs "Dad" Situation? How do I see my Therapist as a "THERAPIST" and NOT a dad I wish I would of had? And how do I handle this situation of needing to cry and let things out, but not being able to in front of my Therapist; because I don't want him to just sit there in his chair? Any advice would be very helpful.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...