Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Eating Disorders Support Group

I can find my way back, but where did it start?

deleted_user
deleted_user
HI everyone, I joined this support group about seven months ago and because of a few reasons, i have not participated since june 08. but anways, i am back, back to dealing with my ED and back to this website. i have been up down and all around with my ED, bipolar and selfharm issues. i just wonder all the time how did i even start this mess. when did i wake up one day and say i am going to eat alot of food and then throw it up. and why can't i remember. if i did, would that help me figure out. is finding the begining a step for closure. i dont really know what to say, i am just kinda glad that i am doing this group again so i felt like writing something.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think very few of us wake up and decide to have an ED. I remember making fairly explicit decisions to start restricting and purging, but I had no intention of signing myself up for this whole ordeal for years to come. The truth is, there were mechanisms that were already in place that smoothed the path for my downfall.. made the slope a bit more slippery. I've found it easier and more helpful to focus on those things. For me some of them were loneliness, perfectionism, low self-esteem, self-destruction, and a way of asking for help for other issues. It can be really difficult to remember our former states of mind, logic, etc., especially when ED clouds and taints memories.

If you can't remember the beginning, perhaps you can focus on the things that made you susceptible to the ED, and evaluate what purpose the ED has served in those respects and whether they're still relevant today.

Glad you're back :-)
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