I understand. I was ED-free for more than 2 years (I realize its not 8, but I still get it) and now I am back in the binge purge cycle worse than ever before. Its especially upsetting b/c part of me wanted to believe that I had "grown out of it" but clearly, at 25 and in worse shape than ever before, "growing up" has nothing to do with it. Anyway, I am here to listen if you need to talk about it.

Thanks :o) I'm just so stunned at how fast everything has changed. My life was going really well, I love my daughter and job. I felt happy and content.. and now its all fallen apart. Its like the past 8 years have all rushed back within 3 days. And this time I have so much more to lose, my girl is 7, almost as old as I was I was first raped. I dont know how to cope with all this, and keep her safe. Its all so very unfair.

im sorry to here you are not doing so well. I have been in recovery for 3 months, but emotionally i still feel like a wreck. i feel like i am never going to be free of this disease, and be able to live a happy and normal life. Even people who are at my OA meetings, who have been in recovery for years, talk about the disease always been below the surface. I know exactly what you mean about everything rushing back in a number of days. Im so glad that im not going to the food, but i feel like a mental case. i feel like im waiting for something non existent to come along in life to complete me. I feel hopeless and that i wont ever be happy. Dont we all deserve to be free of our ED's?

I feel my head tearing as it tries to hold it all in. I am grotesquely fat with numbness. I feel so cheated.

Hi Hun

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this - do you think that maybe your daughter getting older and approaching the age when you were first raped is a big trigger for you - it's a very understandable one, you sound so distraught about not knowing how you can protect her..but try not to be so hard on yourself, it's perfectly natiral that you will have some kind of reaction as your daughter reaches an age that was so significant in causing your ED.

Do you have a therapist or someone you can get in contact with if you feel you are lapsing?

Please don't feel like you've failed hun - you've managed to beat this thing for 8 years, and that's fantastic, but please ask for a little bit of help now, sooner rather than later - you deserve it hun, you've done nothing wrong, you're just being a good mum who needs to protect our daughter, you can't help that!

Lots of hugs!
Sharon xx