It seems everytime I start to let go of my anorexia, I run right back to it. I've never fully recovered, but once I start having some good days, it seems like it's all I can think about is getting back to it. I can't stop thinking about how many calories, my weight, how I look, or anything. I even find myself looking at "thinspo" videos on youtube. I don't do that when I'm deep in the disorder.. I feel like once it starts to leave I panic. I think that may be why residential treatment might be good for me? Because once I start to let go, I can continue with it while I'm there.. What do you think I should do? Going to treatment really scares me..
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