I think I've spent most of my life obsessing about what I look like. when I was a kid, I was fat, I was made fun of by my sisters, kids at school, even my mom. When I was 15 I started compusivly working out and bindging and purging. I lost 60 lbs in a year. All of the sudden guys noticed me, I had more friends, people always told me how pretty I was and how good I looked, ever since then I have spent my life terrified to gain weight. I have done everything a desperate person does, take laxitives, starve myself, binge and purge, take diet pills, work out to the point of almost fainting. And now....I'm just tired. 8 years of this have gotten me so worn down my body is drained. Physically I can hardly walk anymore from working out 4 hours a day for years. I have constant stomach problems from all the binging and purging and diet pills I take. Emotionally, I'm even worse. I cry most days because I can't work out. I've become so depressed I've isolated myself from all my friends and family. I am so strung out on diet pills all the time I can't enjoy time with my b/f and he is getting sick of me always being so down on myself. I want help but don't have insurance. Most of all I just want to be understood. I haven't been understood my whole life and it gets very depressing when I have noone to talk to. Any words of encouragment or understanding?
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