Hi, I'm new to this forum. Im (gulp!) 42 and have been ED-free for about four years and two months. I still am dealing with the aftermath of "what now?". You'd think I would be moving right along. I guess I can see why my ED served it's purpose. I still feel like this blank canvas in her 40s. I'm struggling with residual questions of what kind of damage I've done that's nonrepairable due to 23+ years of being THE poster child for eating disorders. I calculated that I purged about 22,000 times (sorry to be frank, but it is what it is). I'm angry at all the time I needlessly threw into this disorder. Anyone out there in this same boat? I want to move forward but feel stuck. I'm raising teenagers through all this, which is hard considering how lost I feel. Of course, I don't show them that! I'm trying to direct them with the knowledge I have from my past mistakes. I know I can't get the past back. I just can't figure how to accept who I now am in the mirror. I hate to see how I've aged myself. I'd love to hear from you all. I could use someone who can identify with me!
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