I am feeling good today and full of strength. I am willing myself to overcome this. I am really good at forcing myself to do things I don't want to do - I dont know anyone else who can sit down and make themselves study for 16 hours straight. I decided that if I eat a good amount today (goal=600 cals or more) that I can restrict as much as I want for the next week. And I am going to do this every now and then. I reasoned my way into eating through writing down my thoughts. Maybe this will help you guys too. I listed the pros and cons of eating a lot today. There were MANY more pros than cons. Then I wrote down refutes to my cons. E.g. one con was that if I eat, I'm going to get fat. I refuted it with the point that no, eating for one day will not make me fat. It will make no difference. It was like having a little argument with myself, written on paper. Seeing all the points at once really showed me that my mind was acting unreasonably. I'm feeling really good about this plan of mine. I've already eaten some bread. It makes my stomach hurt, but my mind feels so much more alive and alert. Its like waking up from a daze. My other compulsions are starting to show a lot more now though, that is, the checking things, etc. It helps me a lot to do the eating while doing something else like reading or studying to distract me from the food. Maybe one of you guys would like to try this to. I know this is going to be an emotionally hard day for me but I am feeling good about doing it! Please send me all you well wishes and good vibes!!!
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