Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
May the good god in heaven strike me down if this thread backfires on me. I will report myself to have my thread removed if I must, but guys, I need advice and this is the last resort...
READ THIS FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE: "Emaciation" is the term used for those who are at a BMI of below 15, typically. Yes, okay, that is established, I suppose, in medical books. Now, for those who are reading this thread just to feel bad because they aren't/haven't been "emaciated"- remember: you are suffering from an illness to be on these forums, whether it be anorexia, bulimia, COE, BED, etc. and "emaciation" doesn't qualify anyone for treatment more than anybody else who might, perhaps, be at normal weight but killing themselves by puking their guts up. An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and it's a painful thing no matter what you look like, weigh, eat, don't eat, if you exercise or not, if you purge or don't purge. Okay, now that I've said that, I am warning ANYONE who posts here that they SHALL NOT post numbers, weights, BMIs, percentages, PERIOD. I see anything that might be slightly triggering, I am asking for the thread to be deleted. My SOUL INTENT is for advice, and not to trigger or compete with anyone for who's "sicker." If you're sensitive or in a struggle not to relapse, leave this thread now.
Now that I'm done sounding like the uber-nazi-bitch from hell, I need advice.
I am medically classified as "emaciated." I have never let it get this far, nor has anyone allowed me to do this to myself. My physical symptoms are as follows (though I'm sure I'll forget some, as they are numerous these days): exhaustion, severe joint pain, inability to sleep (despite downing sleeping pills/going three days on four hours of sleep), permanantly blue nails, limbs falling asleep from hypothermia, rapid heartbeat, palpitations, headaches, severe nausea to the point of vomiting, stomach cramping to the point of doubling over, muscle wasting, shaking like a leaf, racing thoughts, poor posture/slumped appearance (I typically have noted perfect stance), severe muscle cramping enough to make me start bawling, having a hard time breathing as though a shoe is on my chest, non-existant period/BMs, hesitancy urinating (and upon urinating it is very dark in colour), and of course general pain throughout my body. I'm getting to the point of my question, I promise. Thanks for reading this far...
Okay, so it all sounds terrible and shit, but I had a blood test a couple weeks back before the shit really hit the fan, and though I had a seizure as they were taking the two vials of blood, my tests came back fine and my EKG was normal.
HERES THE QUESTION: For those who have suffered these same symptoms at an "emaciated" weight, does anything sound like a severe red flag? I cannot go into the hospital whenever I feel, as I have no medical insurance (fuck me, right?) and I already have enough doctor's bills as it is, due to treatment earlier this year. I don't want to have medical emergency intervention unless it's deemed very necessary to save my life, and I'm frightened to get another blood test- seizures are scary, horrifying, and above all, I hate feeling like a fucking silly hypochondriac when they come back fine. So again, does anyone see these symptoms and say: "Holy shit, those things happened to me right before I was told I could die, or had a heart attack/severe seizure/stroke!" and if so, what do you recommend I do to relieve these symptoms (beyond the obvious of "keep something down!" or "eat something!" because like I said, my nausea/stomach cramping/bloating currently is limiting me to nearly nothing to eat...by nutrionist's request, mind you)? Basically, what did you do upon learning that the symptoms really added up and caused a literal shut-down? Obviously, if I had unlimited funds, I would go to the doctor's and ask them to "quick fix" me with some KCl solution to the veins and an NG tube...but I don't, and I "feel" like I'm just BAREEEELY hanging onto a thread of life.
Or, am I just a silly little girl with too much time, too many words, and a hypochondriac's mindset?
(I pray you don't all think I'm nuts, or ridiculous, or dramatic, or stupid. I'm putting my heart out there, praying anyone can help. This is not me in some depressed and "emo" stupor- I'm listening to "What a Wonderful World" as I type. This is me, in a brief moment of fear and logic, reaching out.)
READ THIS FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE: "Emaciation" is the term used for those who are at a BMI of below 15, typically. Yes, okay, that is established, I suppose, in medical books. Now, for those who are reading this thread just to feel bad because they aren't/haven't been "emaciated"- remember: you are suffering from an illness to be on these forums, whether it be anorexia, bulimia, COE, BED, etc. and "emaciation" doesn't qualify anyone for treatment more than anybody else who might, perhaps, be at normal weight but killing themselves by puking their guts up. An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and it's a painful thing no matter what you look like, weigh, eat, don't eat, if you exercise or not, if you purge or don't purge. Okay, now that I've said that, I am warning ANYONE who posts here that they SHALL NOT post numbers, weights, BMIs, percentages, PERIOD. I see anything that might be slightly triggering, I am asking for the thread to be deleted. My SOUL INTENT is for advice, and not to trigger or compete with anyone for who's "sicker." If you're sensitive or in a struggle not to relapse, leave this thread now.
Now that I'm done sounding like the uber-nazi-bitch from hell, I need advice.
I am medically classified as "emaciated." I have never let it get this far, nor has anyone allowed me to do this to myself. My physical symptoms are as follows (though I'm sure I'll forget some, as they are numerous these days): exhaustion, severe joint pain, inability to sleep (despite downing sleeping pills/going three days on four hours of sleep), permanantly blue nails, limbs falling asleep from hypothermia, rapid heartbeat, palpitations, headaches, severe nausea to the point of vomiting, stomach cramping to the point of doubling over, muscle wasting, shaking like a leaf, racing thoughts, poor posture/slumped appearance (I typically have noted perfect stance), severe muscle cramping enough to make me start bawling, having a hard time breathing as though a shoe is on my chest, non-existant period/BMs, hesitancy urinating (and upon urinating it is very dark in colour), and of course general pain throughout my body. I'm getting to the point of my question, I promise. Thanks for reading this far...
Okay, so it all sounds terrible and shit, but I had a blood test a couple weeks back before the shit really hit the fan, and though I had a seizure as they were taking the two vials of blood, my tests came back fine and my EKG was normal.
HERES THE QUESTION: For those who have suffered these same symptoms at an "emaciated" weight, does anything sound like a severe red flag? I cannot go into the hospital whenever I feel, as I have no medical insurance (fuck me, right?) and I already have enough doctor's bills as it is, due to treatment earlier this year. I don't want to have medical emergency intervention unless it's deemed very necessary to save my life, and I'm frightened to get another blood test- seizures are scary, horrifying, and above all, I hate feeling like a fucking silly hypochondriac when they come back fine. So again, does anyone see these symptoms and say: "Holy shit, those things happened to me right before I was told I could die, or had a heart attack/severe seizure/stroke!" and if so, what do you recommend I do to relieve these symptoms (beyond the obvious of "keep something down!" or "eat something!" because like I said, my nausea/stomach cramping/bloating currently is limiting me to nearly nothing to eat...by nutrionist's request, mind you)? Basically, what did you do upon learning that the symptoms really added up and caused a literal shut-down? Obviously, if I had unlimited funds, I would go to the doctor's and ask them to "quick fix" me with some KCl solution to the veins and an NG tube...but I don't, and I "feel" like I'm just BAREEEELY hanging onto a thread of life.
Or, am I just a silly little girl with too much time, too many words, and a hypochondriac's mindset?
(I pray you don't all think I'm nuts, or ridiculous, or dramatic, or stupid. I'm putting my heart out there, praying anyone can help. This is not me in some depressed and "emo" stupor- I'm listening to "What a Wonderful World" as I type. This is me, in a brief moment of fear and logic, reaching out.)
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
It wouldn't solve your immediate problem, but it might help in the future. Sorry I'm not more helpful.
Talked to my therapist about the rapid heartbeat- the thing that scares me the most. She said it could a) be anxiety or b) something seriously wrong. During our session, she requested that I call, right then and there, and schedule an appointment. She wanted me to make it urgent, telling the appt. secretary that I had lost X amount of pounds in X amount of time. But I resorted to a quick "I just wanna get a check-up after the seizure a few weeks ago." I think that was enough, but my therapist was a little disappointed that the earliest date they had was the 31 October. Bah.
I am debating cancelling it, because I know all they will find with the EKG is another normal heartbeat. I don't want blood tests again, like I said. So paralysed by fear of another seizure. But then again, this is all a wrapped-up excuse for letting my ED slip out of my hands.
I don't think you need our advice. (You've slammed my well-meant ideas when I only had your best interests at heart and offered you my most sincere concern.) I think you are an expert - in your on right - on eating disorders, and you know EXACTLY what to do to save YOUR OWN LIFE!
I'm getting scared to post anything, let alone offer my support in this community for fear of "triggering" someone, yet I find that OTHERS are guilty of doing just that.
Your symptoms ARE red flags and you know it. But why can't anybody else make a post like yours? LOTS of us are on the edge just like you (some are probably even worse off believe it or not,) and they'd like an audience as well since this IS a bit of a disease that commands attention.
I just have to mention that you missed out ONE symptom in your above detailed list, and that is: loss of interest in sex. If you are so sick and feel that death is near, sex would not feel too good, believe me. Oh, and back to me now...my husband would never have sex with me while I was "walking dead" for fear he'd hurt me physically or provoke a miocardiac infarction and be charged with my murder. LOL!
Oh God, I gotta get off here for the night. Maybe for good. Maybe I just need to take a break from DS and try to reach out to the real world again. Get a job maybe. Love my family. Volunteer like I used to. Something to REMOVE me from everything eating-disorder related!
please keep the appointment..
Also, I've apologised for some of my more snarky comments and bitchy responses to you. It's all I CAN do. I am blunt, and like you, tired...so things come out wrong and mean. Like most with this illness, you become vigilant and paranoid that someone might misinterpret the disorder and label/judge you. I get defensive at the oddest things now, so something that you might have said could easily trigger an outburst. I'll say it again, and I'll continue to say it: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm not as much of a bitch as I seem to be, and you know as well as I, an eating disorder impairs your judgment. It's no excuse, I know, but excuses are all I can come up with these days. I am one huge defense mechanism.
I posted a HUGE paragraph about how everyone suffers with an eating disorder. I never said anything about how anyone else can't post a thread like this. What I get irritated by are the posts where there are numbers and triggers galore, and no warning what-so-ever. And I am sure I took enough time to explain my motive and flog the dead horse over and over, saying that this could be triggering, despite it meaning to be.
I know what to do, yes. All of us are experts on our illness, as it haunts every little figment of your brain. I know I should just keep pushing and pushing and forcing my way through the mud in order to finally be free. But right now is when I've never been more scared in my life. So I know my symptoms are bad, but then, I think to myself: "If they are so bad, then why does nothing show up on the blood tests? The EKG? Why am I spending the time and the money and the effort just to hear the same thing over and over and to be sent home because no, I can't afford to go to the hospital or a clinic."
I suppose what I wanted is what we all want in a time of crisis and fear: sympathy, an ear that will listen, perhaps a mouth that will speak wisdom, and the magic bullet. There is no magic bullet. I know. It's just too scary to accept sometimes.
I'm sorry I've hurt you in the past. I'm sorry for anything I say to hurt you in the present and future, slimpics. You need to do what you need to do, if that means staying or going. I support your cause.
I've had tons of EKGs and they come back just a tiny bit abnormal but not enough to concern any of my doctors.
I have the pulpitations, racing of the heart and mind, numbness in my hands, blue fingernails, cold body and sometimes nausea. Well with all my normal results it took the inpatient clinic to find out that I have a heart deffect caused by ED and that I need to be on meds for the rest of my life in order to stop passing out.
What I'm trying to say even though your blood results were normal, I think you are in real danger and need to go to the ER asap(forget waiting for that appointment). It might be too late by then. You are definitely dehydrated with your urine being dark and your elecrolytes have to be dangerously off. So get your husband and go.
About the sex thing. Your husband is extremely understanding. I pretty much hate it too and my husband knows about it, but he still wants it 2-3 times a week. How about that? I wish he would take matters into his own hands.
And by the way you are not a bitch, you're just making sure this site stays what it's supposed to be. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. I worry about you.
When I was at the point you are my family gave me my ultimatum, b/c I had literally killed them. I had hurt everyone, and I myself was at the point where I thought I was crazy, reach out, and find SOMEONE who can help you pay for the help you need.
I am so concerned right now it makes my heart ache, b/c I have been there, and it is a dark place to be, and the sad thing is, I wanted to stay that way as long as possible,..
If there is no other help available, drink up on anything carrying large doses of electrolytes, drink some Ensure, and just keep breathing until help comes.
And if all else fails, this is not to offend, find something that will give you a swift kick in the ass to realize this isnt how you deserve to live.
It took me almost losing the love of my younger sisters to let go of this bullshit.
I love you, I 've never met you, and be damned if anyone else I know I have to watch kill themselves. Women are too beautiful and bright to have to suffer in the dark.
Love you.
Ok I'll stop my preaching now. haha I just know how good of a person you are and I just felt that I had to say something... and I don't often say things on here, so know that I care.
And I totally didn't reread this before posting so sorry if it's incoherent.