i'v been dealing with bulimia for years but more recently it has taken a HUGE shift in my life...becoming more and more prominent in my daily life...over everything else...especially during this last week and a half almost 2 weeks....its the only way i feel i have any control anymore...i went to the dr's on the 1st and was told i had to be weighed as a part of the check in process...i tried getting out of it but they wouldn't put me in a room to see the dr unless i did it...so i got on the scale...and when i seen the number it sent me spiraling so fast....and i've been in this dark place ever since...i've gone all this time with nothing to eat...that is until tonight....i ended up losing control again and ate and ate and ate until i ate so much it made me sick...and even though i did get sick i feel disgusting...like a failure...i hate myself sooo much...why does my mind have to work like this?...i don't have anyone i can talk to about it...i feel so completely alone...hurting so much because i hate myself so much...
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??