My bingeing has become rampant. In the past week I have binged three times and have not once set foot into the gym. I just stopped myself in the middle of a gorge fest on funsized candy bars a few minutes ago because I realized what I was doing and knew that if I kept on my guilt and shame would only be worse. But know I am consumed by that terrible dread of weight gain. The thing is I want to keep going. I want to keep eating that candy right now and instead of going to work out I want to run straight into my bed. This scares me- usually the day after a binge I can snap out of it and get back into my heathy eating and gym routine, but this time has been different and I'm terrified of the consequences- even though I have brought them upon myself.
The other thing is that I know what is causing me to run to food- I'm about to move away from home for the first time in my life to live with my boyfriend. Yes I'm excited but I'm more stressed and nervous- I haven't been able to find a job there and I've been looking for the past two months. My parents and I are conflicting about the whole thing, but the worst part is that my boyfriend and have been arguing alot this past week and I'm not sure how things will work out once I get up there. I want him to comfort me and encourage me, but for some reason he won't and so I turn to the thing that I know will "work"- at least for an instant- Food.
I am very scared of going home this afternoon and continuing my binge. I'm am very scared of not being able to stop. If y'all don't mind, please just say a quick prayer for me.