:(

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope they didn't hurt you physically. I know how hard it is for me to not be liked. I used to react like you but with a lot of therapy I guess I learned to cope better with those disappointments. Don't take their cruel ways out on you. You don't deserve this. You deserve to soothe yourself after this experience. You need to get out of the house. Take your driving lessons up again. I failed three times - so what. Go find a job. All that will boost your self-esteem.
But never just sleep with a guy because you think he will like you better. You are better than that. I didn't look how old you are but you will find the right guy and you will know when it's him. He will be supportive, gentle and love you for who you are.

As anorexics it's common for us to "bottom feed" and associate with people who we think will give us love and acceptance. A lot of us suffer with low self-esteem, you aren't alone. The problem is when we act out it only becomes a vicious cycle. I hope you can get a good therapist to help you with your core issues. XO

I can totally identify with you hun!

I'm having to keep a journal about my emotions as part of my treatment at the mo, nd it was only this evening that I have written about how dificult it is to do things when you think people are judging you....
...I passed up various music opportunities cos I couldn't hack the judgement and scrutiny of one to one lessons, it took me nearly 14 years and 4 different instructors to pass my driving test, as again I couldn't hack the feeling of being constantly judged with a critical eye, and I gave up my midwifery training a totally stressed out wreck after 4 months because I couldn't handle having other midwives constantly watching over me and judging/criticising everything I did and said, even though I knew it was a necessary part of the training.

I've also done the sex thing too when I was younger, slept with guys just to make me feel better about myself for that short time that it lasts...I could've got hooked on doing that if I wasn't so terrified of getting a bad reputation.

The thing is hun, you might feel like a failure, but you're not really - I don't know if you're having any treatment for your ED, but a big part of treatment is to get us to rethink the things that make us think we're a failure, and see that if we can stop thinking like a failure then we will stop acting like one.

Take care hun!
Sharon xx

You aren't always going to be a failure because you're not one right now. You're dealing with a disorder that drains you, messes with your mind and takes all your attention. Take life one challenge at a time, and the small victories will help you.
Do the driving lesson if you can, because it will boost your confidence to do something you feel scared about.Took me 18 years, and I wish I'd done it at your age before my brain began to shrink!!
Good luck:)

don't be scared to get a job. i've had a great job for about six months now and i find that i'm happy going to work. jobs are great ways to meet new people, and if you get engaged in your work it keeps your mind off of other things... good luck and hang in there!