I've been struggling with my purging disorder for a while now and I thought I was getting better, but this past week has been a nightmare. I have purged so many times in the last few days, I've completely lost count. And the biggest problem is that I'm not even binging before I purge. Whenever I eat as little as an apple, I feel this desperation to purge and I cry and I panic and I just fall apart until I can get it out of me. So far today, I've purged about five times, two of which were for no reason at all because I had only had a very small glass of orange juice and then a cracker. And the last time I purged, I purged blood and my throat is so sore and I just feel like I could pass out or something. And I'll eat something because I'm starving and I'll tell myself before hand that I'm not going to purge it, but after the food gets inside of me, I lose control. It's like I"m out of my body and I see myself purging, but I can't stop it. And today I went grocery shopping and then about an hour after I brought my groceries home, I had some sort of manic episode and I threw all of the food in the dumpster behind my house. So now I am sick from all of the purging, I'm still starving, I have no food in my house to eat even if I decided that I wanted to eat something, but as of right now, I am afraid to even look at food because I know I can't control myself when food is in my presense. Guys, I really need your advice and support right now. I think I've finally hit rock bottom.
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