I'm trying to be in recovery. I've made a commitment to my medical team to step up and follow their directions. Part of me really wants to too, I dont want to keep fighting this, I just want ED to be gone. However there's that part of me that still wants it. I feel kind of proud that "I have an eating disorder" because it show willpower and commitment to myself that I can do something. Why I won't let go of the control, what do I get from it? I dont know. I have lost weight and I really like that part and am so fearful of gaining it back. My medical team says if I can't change (like now) and follow instructions, I will have to go inpatient once again. I'm so afraid to let go of ED. I have had him around for over 20 years. But I also want to see what it would be like to be healthy. Is anyone else going through this struggle between keeping and letting go? Will I be okay if I let go and follow thru?
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Been having a real bad time trying to recover. I'm trying everything. but nothing seems to be working. I have been writing in my journal, making meal preps and I even have a recovery account on instagram. but none of this have been working. I still get theses evil thoughts and I give in and just find myself fasting again. I dont think i can ever love my body. atm i have very low self esteem. my...
I post this not to get sympathy but to try to help anyone who needs a shoulder. No one can say "I understand " unless they themselves have an eating disorder. I am a 49 year old Mother/Wife. And I can tell you if it was not for my kids and Husband I would not be here to write this. No matter if you are married,single or alone there is always something positive to focus on and strive to have a...