Do any of you ever feel sick when you know the group of people you are with will want to go out to eat? Do you ever get anxious if you dont know the exact calorie content of what's on the menu? Do you ever weigh and measure out your portions? Do you ever get very, VERY irritable if you can't get to the gym? Do you ever workout extra hard and long after a "bad" day of binging? Do you ever eat the whole box of gushers and then hide the wrappers because you don't want anyone to see that many of them in the garbage can? Do you ever buy a ton of candy from the gas station and make like you're making a candy run for you family so that the cashier doesn't know it's all for you? To you ever feel disgusted with how you ate and then fast to "cleanse" your body of that icky feeling? Do you have a closet full of supplements and weight loss pills that don't work!! Have you ever ordered anything over the internet from another country because it's not approved in the US for weight loss? Do you ever like how that empty stomach feeling feels? Do you ever weigh yourself everyday, and even though you are dehydrated and you know that logically it's all lost water weight, still get excited if you dropped 3 pounds in one day? Do you ever get anxious when your a little bloated and your pants are a little tighter? Do you ever lay in bed and feel the "extra" you on top of the body you want to have? Do you ever grab a section of your skin (though you think it's definitely fat) and wish you could just cut it off? Do you have a book that tells you the calorie count of every food in every restaraunt, and avoid ordering anything not in the book? Do you diet hop, but none ever work? Do you ever get sick of all this? How can I stop? How can I just be normal? How can I just think of food in a regular way? Do you ever wonder what it's like to not obsess about food, calories, weight? I wonder what it's like to not have this obsession? How can I stop, because, though I am better right now, the obsessions will never go away. Right now I am recovered, but the feelings are all still there. Will I ever be normal? Will I always have this illness inside me? Will I always have to battle this everyday?
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