My Mom, step Dad, and daughters are coming to visit tomorrow. My Mom and step Dad are leaving sometimes Sunday. My daughters will be here until Thursday night. I do not plan to change my eating habits any, which means a few bites here and there, nothing more. I am not sure my Mom will say anything. Her eating habits can often be as crazy as mine, but I know my daughters will be full of questions. I plan to hide it as well as I can, but they are extremely smart and intuitive. I am not sure what I will say. Last time they were here I said that I only eat one meal a day, and I did, which made me gain. I refuse to do that again. They are 10 and 13; I know my actions will affect them. My 10 year old is chubby. My 13 year old is taller than me, but the same weight as me. She hates when my 10 year olds belly shows. She does not eat desert because she says she is not tying to be fat. Am I the one that has made them this way? I must be dumb, but I refuse to eat for them. With my Mom I just feel daring. With them I feel dumb and selfish. I could be giving them EDs. Why do I do this? Why can I not just be happy and eat at the same time? This is why they live with their Dad. I would just mess them up more than I already have. I love them will all my heart so why has my anorexia become more important than them?
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