What is counseling like? I've never been to any type of counseling in the all the years I've had an eating disorder. I guess I've always thought that I could deal with it on my own. Because I get better and gain some weight but this time seems different...it seems like it has hit me full force this time. I constantly think about my eating disorder and what I have to do to keep from gaining weight. I will usually drink water so that I won't be hungry. But I get on the scales most every day to see what I weigh...and if I gain even a pound I start freaking out and stop eating. I don't eat but a few bites at meal time. My mother has figured out what I'm doing but doesn't do anything but yell at me. I'm tired of dealing with this...think all the stress at work and home is what caused this full force relapse. Not sure though. I have a friend who lives close to me who is my only support system here where I live...and then I have all of you on here...thanks for your encouraging words! It means a lot to me! Because otherwise I don't get any support. It has gotten to the point at meal time I eat a few bites and don't want no more but I make myself eat so my mother won't start yelling at me and there are times that I do make myself vomit after I've eaten (not that often)...but I do that at times...mostly when I'm stressed. I guess my main eating disorder is anorexia but I do make myself vomit sometimes which would be bulimia I guess. I'm just a MESS! I don't sleep good at night I just toss and turn. I want to go to counseling but am scared to take that step because I'm shy and it isn't easy for me to talk and open up to people about things...at least not verbally. But if I don't go to counseling I feel I will never be better and will never be happy. And I'm tired of living life the way I have been. I feel I just "exist" in life and that's it. Not a very good way to feel. Sorry needed someone to talk to. Night.
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