Come on now. What do you think? That is a behaviour! It's a coping mechanism of the ages and it requires deep emotional issues that need to be worked out, my friend. Troublegrl, it is time you stopped tricking yourself into thinking this is somehow a better addiction and get yourself help.

so heres the thing, im not really sure how to get help, and mostly im not sure i really want it.

some days i totally do and it upsets me more that im like this than my body upsets my in the first place. but other times im just tired and dont want to take the step. and i really still need to be skinny

So, what's in it for you? Okay, so you're skinny- what does it achieve?

Help comes in many forms: therapy, doctor, nutritionist. All three is preferrable, of course.

And I have to ask a last question: if you don't want to get better, why (pray tell) are you on a recovery site? I'm guessing that deep-down you know you're tired of living like this.

Hey I know how you're feeling I do the same exact thing and I feel the exact same way and it upsets me and I don't know what to do to stop.

i love to eat to food but i hate to binge/purge, so i'll chew and spit and all I want to is to be skinny

NoAnn, I'll ask the same question: why skinny? What does it achieve?

why skinny, i always say im a secure person but i guess im really not and it's hard to admit that, i feel people won't like me if im fat i don't like me when im fat

Being fat or skinny is what you make of it. If you don't love yourself now, you never will. Period. You'll always find something wrong, and cover shit up with coping mechanisms.

And I'll tell you: people don't like you when you're sick and have a warped sense of self-image. In essence, you could be fat and love yourself, and people will like you more than if you are a skinny asshole (and you will be if you are underweight, guaranteed).

I thought I was the only one who did that! I was busted on in rehab. It make sense to me tho, you taste food but you don't take it in. Perfect! I do get tired of the obession tho. No real life. Too many rules and restrictions, but stillI hate feeling my body!

I agree with Lapetitemoi...everything she says is pretty much spot on BUT and it is a big BUT (excuse the punn)....its a lot easier to say it than it is do it. I know I want to get better but secretly when I ask for help with Dr's and Nutritionists and womens groups etc...A big part of me wants them to make my food cravings go away so I can be thin...not accept myself the way I am and thats because the part of me that tells me I'm usless and fat and worthless is stronger than the part that knows I'm 'enough' just the way I am and that its ok to be me - to be in my own skin and that I'm more than just my body. Its perfectly normal to want to be better but be afraid to let go of your obsessions. If you have them for long enough you can feel that being ill is all you really know. Well...thats just my opinion. You come to identify with it...who will you be if your not someone with and ED? Do you even remember what you were like before? Thats what I ask myself sometimes. HOWEVER...to accept your thinking is irrational and that you do need help is the first step...asking for it the next and actually accepting it is next. Best of luck to you.

It's eating disordered behavior and therefor it's bad. That's all that needs to be said.
Being happy about being skinny is a false happiness. I'm telling myself that same thing that you are but I remember that at a time I was in recovery at a way higher weight and I was really happy for the first time in my now miserable life. Happiness means energy to do the things you love and when you're too skinny you don't have that energy

Chewing and spitting??? I have never tried it. I just binge and purge.
Somehow this chewing and spitting doesn't seem any more healthier.
I am new to this group and it's nice to learn that I AM NOT ALONE.