hang in there Binda-
i've been there- its not easy, but please beleive me when i say i've been there. And nothing good is ever easy. I know at the moment you can't prob. can't see your life changing and it won't overnight-

i did it in baby steps - and from time to time i still slip back to my old ways - and honestly, i have thoguht thoose thoughts about it finishing a thousand and one times.
And have to tell myself that i can't react so knee jerkingly to one feeling/emotion - because that is how i feel in that moment, or in that day-
that feeling, as painfull as it is does not define me or my life, as painfull as it is to feel.
Think about the good times you've had and your future.
lucile ball once said - keeping buisy and making optimisim a way of life can do incredible things -
and i honestly live by that
FORCE yourself to act normal (thats how i began) by just leaving the house (get ready -don't give yourself the option, no matter how you feel0)
get involved -
go to the library, volunteer, join a dance class (excercise -as many times as youve prob heard it realeases endorphins and WILl make you feel better)
but im there at the moment and
i thank god each day for what i have - my family etc.

you have to start small
one day turns in to two, turns into four , turns in to a week, a month, a year- a happy lifetime for yourself, your family and your son.

If we don't eat, we will be even more tired and depressed. We need food for energy and to fuel our minds. Please don't let ED win, are you in therapy? Do it for that precious little boy until you can learn to love yourself and do it for you. We're here for you and we care!!!