I've had my eating disorder under control for a couple of years now. Every once in awhile, I slip up and have an "episode". I had one today. It was the first time since last May. I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm terrified that the cycle is starting over again, and that I'm not going to be able to control it. I have a lot going on right now, with lots of pressure. I know that binging and purging is a way of expressing my control, but it doesn't feel good. And I'm TERRIFIED of gaining weight. I've recently lost weight and think I look great, but now I'm so afraid I'm going to gain it back. I don't want to scare my family or my boyfriend by telling them, so I decided to try an online support group. Hopefully this helps. And hopefully I can help others.
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