Aww sweetie! Just work on getting your health back..Healthy looks better at any age. You might be surprised how good you can look.

30 is NOT that old!

it is sad that we loose time (my ed: age 11-18) and we can't get that back, but we are still alive, you can still be young, 30 isn't old! many people don't have any kids yet! ed makes us look older (wrinkles, etc) or younger (shrunk) and we can heal somewhat, besides people of any age can be beautiful :)

I started my anorexia and ednos at age 13 and I am now 39. The skin does not stretch the same. I have lost a great deal of muscle mass and have saggy skin on butt, upper legs and arms. I have wasted my whole life trying to be beautiful-depriving myself and never happy. I have neen 68 -185 pounds[post-pregnancy]. I am trying to get help but doors keep shutting and it is harder because of my age.

Thanks folks. In my head i know 30 is not old but ED keeps saying "oh so now you're old as well as fat and ugly". Just when I think Im getting him under control he finds something else to latch onto!

Its never ever too late. Never. There is no use in dwelling on what was lost, try to focus on what can be done now.
In my neverending quest for beauty, my dad once told me, "a smile is beautiful".
He is right. Happiness is the most beautiful and attractive thing in the world. We ALL deserve it and can achieve it.
Don't give up!! I've got wrinkles around my eyes...but I know they are from smiling so much. I hope for lots more!
xxx J

I feel your pain. I have been anorexic for 11 years waiting for happiness. Well I am now 41 and not any happier, just sicker, weaker and pretty sad that my life might end from this terrible evil without me ever having been healthy and happy. 30 is still young. Please try your best to overcome ED and lead a happy life. Your post is very powerful

My ED tells me that I'm too old and that I've wasted my life and I'm 18! But seriously, 30 is NOT old, and I know a lot of people who are over 30 who are extremely beautiful! It's really too bad that our culture is so obsessed with youth equals beauty. And like Janet said, happiness and health are beautiful on everyone. So that's what we should strive for. Don't listen to ED, and try not to dwell on the past. Think about what you can do to enjoy life now!

i just turned 29 and have been having a lot of those same thoughts...

i try to deal with them by reminding myself that the best is yet to come. the more i heal, the healthier i become, the more positive and beautiful my future will be.

it's not too late-it is only the beginning :o)

I think from the age of 28 years as we evolve into maturity, we do wake up and think "this is not a dress rehearsal", this is LIFE, we spend years waiting for it to start!, they are not WRINKLES at all, they are life lines ones of character, from laughing, smiling, and crying, for experiencing, yes you may feel that the years have been wasted but in fact, life ticks on, we learn, we laugh, we cry and above all else we LOVE and make the world a better place. xxxxxxx

Thanks so much. Is anyone here involved in eating disorder awareness? I've got to the point where i want to shout it from the rooftops to try and stop others going down this route.

I hear ya. I'm so passionate about the cause!! For the meantime I do as Ghandi always said- think globally act locally. I make sure to do what I can with the people around me. One day I'd love to tour highschools or something...

wow. you hit home with this one. you have inspired me to keep winning this battle. nobody ever put it this way.

All I can say is PLEASE do not waste your life like I have done!

I am 52 years old & I have battled this demon for decades!

I regret it so much - yet, I continue to indulge myself in the starvation/numbness.

I think it's an obsession when we feel things are out of control.

I know it is my drug of choice.

Now, I feel so lost. I am trying desperately to convince myself that 52 is the new 42??? lol!

And, I am trying to make myself recover so I can attempt nursing school or cake decorating classes - or something!

But, face it, I am now older. And, I have done damage that cannot be corrected inside my body.

I SINCERELY HOPE & PRAY THAT IF ANY OF YOU ARE OUT THERE GIVING INTO THIS ILLNESS & WANTING TO GET WELL - IF THERE IS ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD I CAN SAY OR DO TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE - IF I KNEW WHAT TO SAY, I WOULD SAY IT!

I URGE YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU MUST DO TO GET WELL!

Time flies by so fast. Dreams die.

As years go by, we convince ourselves we are "content" being isolated within these prison walls being held captive by ed.

Please help yourself now. For you, & for those you love!

I am getting 2 more teeth pulled this next week. (6 in all recently) I have counseling that is not helping me with a student who has never treated ED. My retina's in my eyes have degenerated to the point that I am legally blind. I am in severe pain from degenerated spine - upper cervical & lower lumbar & mid region spondylosis. I cannot use the bathroom, but I don't discuss that. My bones are weak. I have no muscles - they atrophied because I cannot exercise like I did when I was younger. My skin is wrecked, the list continues on....

And, now, here I am - ALL I W ANT TO DO IS LIVE! I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF MY LIFE!

But, now, my parents are sick & elderly & I must care for them. My husband suffers from neglect.

I used to be a cheerleader, roller skated every night, jogged, worked out at a fitness center, played on a tennis team, etc.....

Now I am basically bedridden, but I keep a smile on my face & giggle lot. I refuse to bring my family down with my stupid illness.

Last, & worse - I blame myself. But, I have negative feelings about my own parents because they hated it when I gained any weight!

WHY DID I CARE??????

SORRY SO LONG...I GUESS I NEEDED TO TALK? RANT IS MORE LIKE IT!

I just wish I could get thru to even one person out there before you do what I have done!
LUV YOU GUYS!

By the way, Mog2 - you are still a kid, honey!

Seriously, you have your whole life ahead of you.

Most of you are all just getting started on life.

Please forgive me if my last post seemed negative, ok? But, I am about to give up hope. I have seriously tried everything.

No, I don't mean suicide or anything like that! (I know the first thought that comes to your minds)

I am tired of crying.
I am crying right now.
And, I just want to help you!

I might add that above I did not even mention that I have had heart problems for a few years, too. I hate talking about it. I am so ashamed of what I have done to myself. I had a nuclear scan that showed problems 5 years ago. Then, I walked around for month with a heart monitor. Then, they did a heart catheterization. My heart is abnormal, but they cannot pinpoint the problem & chalked it up to my anorexia for many years off & on probably wearing down my heart muscle?

If you met me - you would think I was always happy cheerful. Even my new counselor who is a med school student asked me why I am always smiling & upbeat? She said it does not fit the typical anorexia patient.

And, if any of you have parents bringing you down or making the least little comments about your body - DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM!

You can love your parents without trying to spend your life pleasing them!

I never could please my parents. I still don't.

Love yourself!
Love your hubby's.
Love those kids! That is the only thing I am proud of in my life is my 3 kids - 2 grown daughters & my darling 17 year old son.
(Oh, and my little doggy, Kelly - my best friend)

I'm done.
Gentle Hugs!

thanks for sharing whymeagainnow. i can really feel your passion. im hoping that the more we speak out about the waste of life this illness causes the more people we can help stop going down this route.
i want to come and hug you, we can do this you know it is not too late!
p.s. i've just developed a heart murmer - i'm getting it investigated next month