I dont even know where to start ... I have become so out of control, that its pathetic. I feel like my "disease" has officially taken control over everything. I have been meeting with an eating therapist and I have had good moments and bad moments. I had tried so hard to gain some weight and when I do ... I would feel like I had let myself down, but I knew that was what was best. Then things have to happen and I get to the point where food is the last thing on my mind. Wow ... ok ... I am all over the place ... too much going through my head ... K, I will try to start over. Last week I gained 4 pounds, and today when I went back into see my therapsit ... I lost four more pounds ontop of the two I lost a couple days ago. Thats 6 pounds ... yeah me ... right? I think that deep inside I love the fact that I can still lose the weight, but now I question if its the weight or the feelings associated with it that I battle. This morning was horrible for me ... so what did I do ... I bought twinkies, made pancakes, and ate a half gallon of ice cream and then puked it up. But now thats not enough, and thats all that I want to do today. I didnt do it today because I want to lose the weight (in fact I know I have to gain or else its going to kill me), but the feeling of relief and comfort, thats what I am addicted to ... I crave to feel that way, and I crave for all my problems to go away. I dont know if any of this makes sense, but I am open to any advice anyone would be able to offer.
Posts You May Be Interested In
Hi all! This is for those of you that have or have had the same neurologist for 4 years or more. I have been with mine now since 2009. He is one of the best movement disorder secialists in the midwest. I know he is extremely busy on the lecture circuit now and in fact not taking new patients there is a huge waiting list for him. BUT.... I feel like my visits are not what they use to be. He...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...