i hate this. i hate that lauren died. why did she have to go? i didnt really even know her, but i knew she was really nice and she's got kids, friends, a huband. its all bc of stupid ED. i miss my social worker--artie. she died of cancer. went to court yesterday and yup sure as heck i was released into my mom's care--the person that feeds my ED the most. i hate life. i hate me. im fat and gross. and ive been having panic attacks about how gross i look and feel. im about down. stop eating for a week again. i cut last night. probally 50 times or so...i couldnt stop thinking about my mom and god i was so angry! what is happeneing to me? im losing who i am, diet pills, 3 am workouts...i hate it all. i hate you ED. but i love you too.
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