I wakeup and body is craving energy but in my head its (dont do it Whitney, dont do it) but my stomach growls, my head is aching, my skin is changing colors, and my hair is thinning. . is this rare? I have short hair, very short. And when I was young or pre-teen my hair was thick, thick and long. I cut my hair, buzzed it, when I was 15. . ever since then I had it short. Anyway, its changing my hair, skin, body shape, heart rate, and energy its just all too much. I want food but I back away from it like toxic waste. When I do eat it I feel ashamed so I workout. Ive started working out easy about 5-6months ago and then it went to obsessively one month into it. I went to the gym to avoid eating. When I felt hungry I worked out when I felt sad, I worked out, when I was pissed at the slighest thing I worked out. My anger has increased HUGE due to my food intake. I dont take in a lot of anything. The body needs this shit and here I am avoiding it. The eating problem started when I was somewhere around the age of 14, it started because I was fat and I wanted to look good just like everyone else. . .but lets go back further. I was in and out of the hospital to birth-16. . the doctors, my mother, everyone had a hand in my life besides me. I was dependent on what to do, what not to do, is this ok, what should I do now? What if i faint, what if my tube comes out, what if, what if, what if. . . everyone did things for me, i didnt have a word or didnt even control my life. i turned that good'ole age to where I wanted to start doing, controling, obsessing about something. . .i hated my body. I wanted the scars to go away, i wanted the past to go away, i wanted a nice body, a healthy inside. . .but i didnt reach that point to when i was 18 and leaving high school and out of the nest and into the world to where i can do whatever i wanted. . .and what did i want? I wanted to obsessively workout and not eat. . .did i do that? Yes, and I still am. . I am scared for my life. . I dont want to die.
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