
Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

deleted_user
Well, I don't know where to begin. 3 weeks ago I was happily married, planning for our 19th wedding anniversary next month and living an ideal life. Now, my husband is in jail for something truly awful and my teenagers and my elderly parents (who also live with me) and I are all reeling from the shock. Truly he was living a secret life so secret that I don't know how I will ever recover. Financially I am in such hot water I cannot even contemplate how I will ever get out. I am aggressively job searching since I was only a part time contractor and have no health insurance. His things are all around me, photographs that I don't know where the lie started - and for now, I have to keep my big mouth shut about the divorce I can't wait to have..the maiden name I want back...the disaster he has left us to deal with. I am strong, and I know some day that I will be ok again...but the weight of all the responsibilities, all the decisions that I must make, even for him... I don't know where to begin. And its so hard to know how much to tell our children, and when. So much has been in the paper...I have had to tell them so much more than young teenagers should have to know, never mind all at once. There is certainly no support group for what we are going through; even the therapist I saw this week looked shocked over every word I had to say. I want to talk to someone else who has been through what we are going through, but I don't know how to find someone this kind of thing is so rare.

pemdcat
It's a wide ranging group, we don't judge, we have big ears, wide shoulders and will support yoyu as best we can. The main thing is to stay positive this will be a tough road but you can get there. Start by taking baby steps if you stumble get back up dust yourself off, head up, you sound strong I try to look at each day as it comes and try to put a positive spin on it. Your children will do better than you think, I only have one daughter, 25 and she is my rock... Again we'll do the best we can. We may not fit your exact group but we all are grieving over the loss of a long time relationship. My heart goes out to you...

deleted_user
I recommend you get on medication ASAP. It really helped me when my husband of 29 years walked out for another woman. I would make sure you have a good therapist and maybe talk to a child therapist to figure out the best way to tell your children what happened. It all depends on their age. You don't want them to hear about it at school. Maybe you can tell them with a child therapist present. If it's as bad as you make it sound, get all of the help you can get. Maybe you can find a child therapist that specializes in this. Ask your local police department. They have seen this time and time again. They may have some ideas. May God bless you and your family.

deleted_user
Witchpooh All I can say is we are here for you...anytime day or night.. Be strong and just take it one step at a time God Bless!!!

deleted_user
I'm so sorry for all the hurt and deception. Please vent to us and let us help share some of your heartache. We're here for you.

deleted_user
You have a heavy burden, but as you can see, you have friends willing to help, support and strengthen you. Whether it's with our words, our support, our prayers, or whatever, Let us know how we can help.

deleted_user
thank you for the comments y'all. We are way past the road where I could take them to a therapist to tell them - it was front page news the next day and I told them everything. I agree with Sid - to have heard it at school would have been the worst. I told them they would hear everything here first - I can't prevent the kids from gossiping or teasing, but I can make sure that they have heard it here first. Do I know what is true and what is not yet? Not really. But at least they have an opportunity to bolster themselves against it before they head to school. They are doing better than I am right now, probably because they don't see the reality is that our bills remain the same and our income was just chopped to about 1/8th what it was. I was only working part time and have gone full time but I don't have benefits. My parents are a little better tuned in - one is not very good about money and keeps talking about the luxuries they will pay for - the other has figured out quickly that they will be helping me put clothes on the kids backs and that the trips out to dinner, the lawn service, etc. are over. Now if only the one with the reality check can get hold of the checkbook. And it doesn't help me that my talents never included being good with the money and I have to make all these immediate decisions about the finances without any time to research anything. If he had died, I would have had months and months to figure this all out as we were well insured. But, I guess you could never insure your life against this kind of thing.
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