Remember heartbroken that there are tons of antidepressants, and not all would leave you with no emotion. Also, please consider counseling. I recently went back after six months of being divorced because I need to work on some issues. I view both these options as temporary assists to get you through a very, very difficult time. You have a lot to process and a lot of mourning to do. Why not get some help?

What helps me is to get some EXCERCISE. And SMILE! really even the ACT of smiling (yes a fake smile at first) releases endorfins that make you feel happy. And eat CHOCOLATE! because of the chemicals that make you feel good. I know maybe we could all walk, while were eating chocolate, that would put a smile on our faces. I'm with you. (Divorceing after 26 years) We can survive without THEM. Also you might try a BOOK called Divorce and new beginnings by Genevive Clapp it helped me a TON. Hang in there girl!

KatieBee-I would love to go to counseling but we have lost everything...no work...no insurance...no income...no counseling. You guys are my counseling :)
goldenzoey-I was regular with exercise until about two weeks ago...havent gathered the strength to do it...feeling like a wet noodle. BUT, I know I should be and it would make me feel better. And the chocolate...yes...must have my choclate :)

I agree with goldenzoey on the exercise. Not only does it release endorphins, it clears my mind and helps me to work through my emotions (lots of anger for me). I think that sometimes we just need to let ourselves feel what we are feeling so we can deal with and get past it (easier said than done, I know). Everyone has different ways of dealing with their feelings. You may need to try several different things to find what works best for you. You'll find your way.

If you don't have the energy or drive to take care of yourself, you need more than what this site can provide.
The meds can be temporary just to get you up and moving and doing healthy things for yourself.

Right now, everything that improves your mood will be temporary. You are hurting. There was a great post here about doing basic things during this phase. Eating healthy meals, even when you aren't hungry. Exercising when you don't want to. Find something everyday that brings you joy. Smile and laugh every day. With time these things will become natural again.

Hugs!

I was in that dark deep black hole of depression..i couldnt even carry on a conversation about anything w/o crying. I had panic attacks thinking of survival without him!!! EW it makes me sick to even write that but it is the truth. I went on anti dpressants and althought they werent the magic bullet , i believe it gave me some "breathing room" to assess what was really going on. I also got a job after 16 years of not working outside the home.
I just recently weaned off of them .I did experience a weight gain...not all of them do that but paxil put 15 pounds on my already overweight body.
I still think it helped me overcome the reality of my dire situation. It still sucks but I am ok without the meds now.
It is scary times ..we all know..whatever can help you gain a little control is worth a try.
All i wish for is peace and joy. I know you do too and you deserve it . I pray we all get that soon!!

Please reconsider the anti-depressants. There are many varieties and just because they didn't work for your stbx doesn't mean they won't work for you. Do some research on them to try to find the one that will work. Talk to your doctor about this.

The other suggestions are all good ones--exercise and certain foods can be great mood elevators. And if you can't afford counseling, talk to a member of the clergy. They can often provide great counseling free of charge! I've talked my priest's ear off about this divorce and he has patiently listened, offered advice and prayer, helped me to accept and is helping me with forgiving ex and ow.

I hope you find some comfort soon. Hugs!

I'm with all above. Anti-depressants for a while - not forever. I hate any kind of pills. I do understand your concern, but they will help you get some balance back in your life. There are many - the right ones will do the trick. Stress robs you of your natural serotoin (sp?) levels, along with any other hormonal issues you may be experiencing (it's almost like your gas tank is empty - you need to refuel). It truly is a physical reaction that can be helped with medication. There is nothing as stressful as divorce. Give yourself a break and just accept the fact that it's just too much right now for you. You will feel a world of difference. Then when you're ready - get off of them. You're H may have had more deep seated problems then you were aware of. Anti-depressants help - they don't change who you are or even put you in a state of numbness - unless you're taking one that's not suitable for you. I say give it another try. You need a little assistance right now - that's all. Big warm hugs.

I agree. I spent 6 months feeling suicidal. I cried 24-7 for months. I finally went to a doctor and she gave me an anti-depressant. I took them for a year and I believe they saved my life. The medication is temporary, just to get you over the hump so to speak. Nan is right they do not change who you are they just calm you. Issues don't seem as big. I hope you feel better soon.

Check with Catholic Charity's for counseling...it's not just for Catholics and not a pastors counseling, but they offer it regardless of income. Also Domestic Violence locations offer counseling...that and YWCA's, Salvation Army, Red Cross..all free of charge or sliding scale. If you really need and want it, they are there...

All good advice here heartbroken. I hope you will listen to the words of wisdome, from those of us who have been where you are.

I too am on an anti-depressant and I have a phobia to pills. But I knew without some help I would not make it. I also believe these meds saved my life. I'm on Celexa and it doesn't make me dopey nor has it changed me in any way. It did'nt even taken the pain away (only time will do that) but what it has done is help me cope with it all. It takes the edge off the mental depression.

I ask you this, if you were sick in any other form and the doctor prescribed meds you would take them no questions.....think of anti-depressants as the Antibiotic to your depression. There is no shame in needing help to get through this. You'd be a super-human if you didn't.

We are all with you. You will never walk alone. This site is the second best thing I did for myself once this mess started. Stay with us, daily, hourly if you have to. We will help you through this until you are strong enough to walk on your own.

Hugs and love.

KatieBee is right, there are lots of different antidepressants out there, I know because I'm on them now. I discovered that my wife was having an affair with a much older man for the last four years turning MY whole life upside down after 27 years of marriage. As for councling, there are many therapists who will see you for nothing or on a sliding scale (I'm unemployed)I pay $30.00 per visit and would not miss it the world. I don't know how to live without her, it was just crushing to find out. Try your doctor for something to get your mood together, meditate (helps me) and look into getting some theraphy.

One more thing, see if you can find your "higher power" prayer has done me so much good, I never use to at all. Am I the only male in here?

I was having a very difficult time heading into the holiday season so I asked my doctor if there was an anti-depressant out there that would not pack on the pounds...finally lost the weight and didn't want to put it back on. She prescribed Wellbutrin and it has worked wonderfully. I still have sad moments from time to time when I let myself think too much about everything I have lost, but mostly I think more about everything I have gained and everything I have to look forward to. I don't intend to stay on it forever, but for now it has helped immensely. I urge you to check into what's out there...the Wellbutrin did not knock out my ability to have fun or deplete me of energy, it just blocked out alot of those feelings of helplessness and the anxiety.

phoneman252-Welcome! You are not the only male here...we have a few men on here. Pemdcat has been here for a long time and has WONDERFUL wisdom and a great sense of humor!
Heartbroken;I took Prozac for awhile and it didn't change me. Just took the edge off which is what I needed. I still felt sad and cried, but not as much. I am not a pill taker either, but it was something I knew I had to do to be able to cope. I remember telling my sister that "he took my life away from me" and she told me, "no, he didn't. He gave you your life back." I didn't think so at the time, but I am a little over two years into this now and I believe she was right! My life is so much easier without him (and trust me, I never wanted my marriage to end...I was in it for life). Financially, it is harder, but I am making it okay. Actually, I have been thinking lately that one of the "gifts" he gave me by leaving me is the gift of perspective...so many things don't bother me anymore and I take absolutely nothing for granted. I also know that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. You can do this, we are all here for you! I had the following posted on my refirgerator for the longest time, I have since put it in my "Thankful Journal" ~ I'm strong enough to rise above most any troubled time...Today may be a mountain, but I was born to climb." I am sending lots of love, hugs and sunshine your way! Love, Mary