Ok ladies and gents..I know I have been gone for awhile now...I have changed so much...I learned to take the negatives out and manifest positives in my life and it has worked.. To make long story short... My husband withdrew his divorce papers in November... It has been along a painful experience, but he is now living at home again. I just recently last week withdrew my divorce papers..took me 4 months until I was comfortable to do so...The problem that I have is letting go of the fear of the future.. Everybody makes mistakes, everybody deserves a second chance, its what you learn from your mistakes not to repeat them.. I found out last month that after he filed for divorce, as I was curled up in bed unable to move, eat, thinking about suicide all the time...he was out on a lake with his 21 yr old secretary. (she has pictures of him on her myspace page)... He swears up and down that he never touched her physically....do I beleive him? Umm I do and dont... It was not just the 2 of them it was alot of people from work. but I caught him in several lies, which tells me if he didnt do anything why would he lie...but on the other hand..she is a real skank...doesnt even look like a nice girl, is a drinker...killed some poor man in a car crash while drunk then got several DUI's after that...she has no license or anything...Kinda wondering why he would hurt me so badly for someone so immorally repugnant...He looked at me straight in the face...crying and swore he never touched her...Am I stupid to believe him? I want our marriage to work..I do not want to be divorced never did, so I have been told to put the fear away and walk through that door, and leave it up to the great gods above to protect me...I do beleive in Karma, what comes around goes around...Some days I am happy and grateful that he is in my bed not hers...other days I get extremely angry... So ladies and gents tell me.... after 20 years...he is the love of my life, he tells me I am his world...Should I let the fear go....believe him...and put it to rest...or should I always distrust him to protect my heart again? and what kinda life is that? Ughhh...LOL...I am like that song by Katy Perry...Hot N Cold....I am wondering what you guys would do? What if it happens again in a couple of years or next year...can I really go through this again...filing...lawyers...alone...etc...Going through it now or Do I just trust in my heart, and his...and live a happy life, or Blissful ignorance?
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