Yesterday was so hard for me. I thing for those of us who have been in our marriages for such a long time this whole process is so overwhelming. I know for me that I married at 20, had 7 children with this same man. He was there for the births of each child. We shared so many holidays, vacations, graduations, marriages of four of our children. There is a bond of so many things. I also really did feel like we were one in purpose and goals. This past year so much of that has disappeared and I still am left wondering if it was all just in my head. He tells me know that he has been unhappy for a lot of years. That our marriage wasn't good. I am realistic enough to know that there were plenty of hard times. You don't have 7 children, go through over 14 years of school, work as an ob/gyn with the crazy hours and then have a baby at 40 without a lot of stress. I just trusted him when he told me that he would always be there for me. That the love he had for me was endless. So now I have to have the things he said to me being said about the other woman to me. That she feels his needs, that she understands him and gets him. That she is his best friend. How do I make that all fit into my mind?? How do I become so unimportant and of no value to someone who made such promises? How do I listen to him tell me that the church that we attended for 30 years together is wrong, that he doesn't even know if God exists that none of that matters. I feel like I am left alone to raise our two remaining children all alone as far as any moral values or even any spiritual guidance at all. I know ths is long, but I have been pondering so much lately. I know that I can do this, that I am strong enough and have 7 amazing children and wonderful daughter in laws and grandchildren. Also I am finding my way back to the comfort of God, I know that his guidance is what I need.
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