
Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
He just had outpatient surgery on his back two days ago; when he called, I guess he wanted to share his pain with me...I abruptly ended the call with, 'well, you take of yourself now....of course, you can always call OW (leaving her name out); see if she cares" click.
Last night, while driving home late from my daughter's out-of-town highschool basketball game (about an hour from home), he asked me 'I hate to ask you this, but when you bring the girls over tonight to visit, do you think you can pick up some juice, chocolate milk, and Gatorade because I am out of everything and I am already settled in for the evening". Ummm, 'NO, and the girls are not coming over to visit tonite,' click.
I don't say it with any anger in my voice; I absolutely keep my comments brief and end the call. For over twenty years, he is so used to be being the nurturer....I was such the enabler/codependent in this marriage that no matter what crap he did with OW (plural), I got used to it and would keep trying to make things better thinking it was my fault. NO MORE!!...he hasn't seemed to 'get that' yet though.
He also wants to be my friend. I think he wants people to think we're friends so he can say see I'm not such a bad guy even my ex and I are friends. I told his best friend that I will be friends with him in 30 years. The length of my marriage. He was trying to talk me into being friends with him. I told him I don't want a friend that would lie, cheat and steal.
I have a meeting with him next week to try and iron out some things with the divorce. At the last meeting he actually tried to tell me to trust him. I said I want everything in writing. I should trust him???? That is laughable and I let him know I felt that way.
I can be civil and polite but not friendly. They always seem to want something.from us. To give up this or that in the divorce.
Just come out and ask him "what do you want" and be strong enough to say NO if you don't want to comply with his request. You don't owe him anything. Stay strong.
Oh I would be verrrrry suspicious.
Nice doesn't mean real. I think we all figured that out.
Everytime he tells me he "never stopped loving me", "he still cares for me", and my favorite, he "justs wants me to get what I want", I want to vomit now.
Used to fall for that everytime. Not anymore. Just words.