Oh do I ever know where you are coming from here....It seems that the only ONLY time that she was sweet, caring ws when she was up to something!!! So becareful, you can bet there is a catch....

lol...yeah, mine can hardly stand to talk to me and we agreed to keep our interaction to emails (his suggestion). Now when his number shows up on my cellphone, I immediately think, "what does he want?" cuz it is not just to see how I am doing....he never asks that.

He just had outpatient surgery on his back two days ago; when he called, I guess he wanted to share his pain with me...I abruptly ended the call with, 'well, you take of yourself now....of course, you can always call OW (leaving her name out); see if she cares" click.

Last night, while driving home late from my daughter's out-of-town highschool basketball game (about an hour from home), he asked me 'I hate to ask you this, but when you bring the girls over tonight to visit, do you think you can pick up some juice, chocolate milk, and Gatorade because I am out of everything and I am already settled in for the evening". Ummm, 'NO, and the girls are not coming over to visit tonite,' click.

I don't say it with any anger in my voice; I absolutely keep my comments brief and end the call. For over twenty years, he is so used to be being the nurturer....I was such the enabler/codependent in this marriage that no matter what crap he did with OW (plural), I got used to it and would keep trying to make things better thinking it was my fault. NO MORE!!...he hasn't seemed to 'get that' yet though.

Yeah...I say cut the crap and spit it out...what do you want?

That does seem to be how it evolves. It is sad.

My stbx was not too nice in the beginning of the divorce. When my children figured out he was having an affair with a lady from our neighborhood, everything changed. I only talk to him when I have to. His relationship with my children has changed too. It will never be the same. They talk to him and see him but things are different.

He also wants to be my friend. I think he wants people to think we're friends so he can say see I'm not such a bad guy even my ex and I are friends. I told his best friend that I will be friends with him in 30 years. The length of my marriage. He was trying to talk me into being friends with him. I told him I don't want a friend that would lie, cheat and steal.

I have a meeting with him next week to try and iron out some things with the divorce. At the last meeting he actually tried to tell me to trust him. I said I want everything in writing. I should trust him???? That is laughable and I let him know I felt that way.

I can be civil and polite but not friendly. They always seem to want something.from us. To give up this or that in the divorce.

Yet again, another thing I didn't see - niceness?! Never.

My stbx doesn't want anything from me besides the divorce....oh, and to see the kids and I move from this condo for what reason I don't know. We can be civil on the phone (most of the time) but we will never be friends. I can never see him calling me to ask me a favor and I'm trying really hard to not ask him for any either.

Just come out and ask him "what do you want" and be strong enough to say NO if you don't want to comply with his request. You don't owe him anything. Stay strong.

Thanks to all of you for your comments. You have given me something to think about. I agree with you sld1, how can he possibly expect me to trust him after he betrayed me and turned his back on our twenty years together. No, we will never be friends again but I will be civil, for the sake of our kids. He hasn't contacted me lately so I guess he got what he needed somewhere else...that's something he has done before (affair). lol

my x was nice in the beginning. Things turned ugly when money became an issue. He thought I would just except what he wanted to "give me" but I didn't. He under estimated me. I kicked his ass is court and didn't bat an eye. I felt he owed me. To this day he plays the victim especially when it comes to our sons. He says He tried to be civil and nice, but that I went after him. Pisses me off. Chrissy is right you owe him nothing. He didn't feel as though he owed you anything. Do what's best for YOU.

Oh I know the feeling. Whenever I see stbx's number on caller id, I say, "I know this can't be good." He's only been nice to me when it benefits him.

Oh I would be verrrrry suspicious.

Funny how they are all the same. When mine isn't with someone I'm his friend, when he finds a new woman I am totally forgotten about. I don't care anymore, I don't want to be his friend. At first I thought I could be,but as I have heard others on this site say, "a friend wouldn't treat me like he did." Actually, he wouldn't treat a dog the way he treated me. Whatever, I think he is a sorry sack of s*%t and I feel sorry for him. Thank goodness we don't have the same behaviors that they have! One more thing to be thankful for! Hugs to you!

The stbx has never been as nice to me as he is now. He has never been this attentive to our youngest as he is now. He has never been so responsible with money as he is now.

Nice doesn't mean real. I think we all figured that out.

Everytime he tells me he "never stopped loving me", "he still cares for me", and my favorite, he "justs wants me to get what I want", I want to vomit now.

Used to fall for that everytime. Not anymore. Just words.

I get the routine where I'm her friend when she's having relationship trouble but no contact when she's fine. I get to hear all about what a jerk her boyfriend is when there's problems. In the past I've tried to be her friend and listen, help, etc but I think that is all going to come to an end. I don't think I want to listen to all that crap anymore but I don't know how to tell her that and still remain amicable for our children's sake. I used to think her BF was an A**hole, but now I feel like they deserve each other! Guess I need to remember all the hurtful things she did to me and our family.

Yupppp! When my devil's minion starts acting nice my red flags go up and start flapping in the wind. He usually wants something and I usually end up paying a price for it! Be on guard and stay strong!!