Okay, I am going to make this short. I have read everyone’s replies to my post. I understand them all. Thank you everyone so much for taking the time and heart to write me and share the support and insight. I so do appreciate it. I know others are hurting like me and even worst than me, but that simply does not help me feel better. Other people’s suffering doesn’t give me comfort in my own pain. It’s not how healing works for me. I am hurt, scared, lost, and very alone. It’s a growing mixture of something bad. I am doing all I can, but getting nowhere but farther into a dark place. I was never the perfect husband or person. Who is? I did the best I could and I know I loved her with all my heart at one point before it all went bad. So I don’t believe I deserve to hurt like this. Any justice upon me for my mistakes and hurt I caused does not go this far. I don’t deserve this. To be hurt like this. To feel this scared of my own life. To be lost in where I am and going. And to be alone in life. I am also getting more angry. That’s it in a nut shell. Thanks again to everyone for all your replies and support. Best to all.
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