I feel the same--24 yrs for me and he cheated too. I still live in the same area he does, if it weren't for my kids being here, I would move home too.

It's been 8 months since I left and the only way I can begin to heal is if I have absolutely no contact with him. My kids are all over 18 and so it's not much of an issue. Every contact I have with him, rips open a new hole in my healing heart.

You have come to a good place. We are here to listen and help each other---hang in there and be strong!

my sons are 24 and 18 and they wanted to stay for their friends and jobs. so the three of them are being bachelors together. it is nice being on my own but lonely too. i just wish i could get over HIM. i find myself thinking of him so much. i am trying as you suggested to not have contact. does yours miss you?

thanks for writing it means alot.

24 years for me also. It takes time and lots of tears to heal. I have been divorced for a year and a half now and I still have some heartache. I really don't know if it ever goes away.

I can tell you that I do not cry every day now like I used to. I honestly have seen much improvement most of the time with me. There is hope. Hang in there.

20 years for me--she "left" 3 months ago--we still talk and she acts like it is no big deal....I can't let her go either--I often wonder, if time heals all wounds, how long does time take to heal a 20 year wound??

but, don't feel bad, we all wish things were different...hang in there

24 years for me, too. Mine moved to the other side of the country, at first I cried, but now I am glad. I don't have to worry about people telling me about his latest escapade. He was very good and sucking me in and then I would wonder if this was the right thing for us. Inevitably, someone always manages to keep me posted on him and how he has met women online to date, and now he is in a relationship with a new one. So much for him crying and telling me he loves me and misses me. The thing is I have noticed is that the only time he would do that was when he wasn't with someone else. I guess I was the "fall back girl." Not anymore! After I filed for divorce I called and let him know (I was VERY nice) and he never even returned my call. So much for him still having feelings for me. I even sent him a birthday present from me and our children (they didn't want to send him anything and I didn't want him to feel bad)and he didn't even have the decency to say "thanks". This from a man who would get upset if our children didn't show their thanks for gifts they were given. Unbelievable!
I think not talking to your husband is the best way for you to get over him. Talk to friends, family, or us! We are always here for you!
Wishing you peace and serenity!

I'm letting go. My STBX of 29 years had several OW's. Right now he disgusts me. I do so good if I don't see him. I never call him unless it involves the house or children. The no contact is so much better for me. Let his calls go to voice mail. Don't answer the email unless they are important. If you plan on getting back with him, don't do that. Do you want to?

Mine has been for 38 years, and he left me 2 years ago, but we weren't divorced until last august, and he has moved on, he has gotten remarried already, and talk about hurt. I kept thinking maybe he was just going through midlife crisis, boy was I wrong. Yes we still keep in contact, but just for important things, Our kids are all grown, but if something happens with them we let each other know. I still have my days though, when it seems the pain gets unbearable, but I seem to get through it. I live alone, and thats the worst thing there is.
All I I can say hang in there it will get better.

rloyd, I wish I knew how long it takes to heal a 20 year old wound. I have heard that time heals all wounds and that time wounds all heels! Ha! I know this isn't nice, but can't wait for the day for that to happen to him.

Louno - I love that, time wounds all heels. My mother just told me her mother used to say that all the time (my grandmother was famous for her truisms!). Anyway, Tami, 22 years for me. Divorce will be final within a month, my stbx is building a house and moving in with OW. Sometimes the pain is unbearable, other times I'm thankful he's not here. It is a long road and I understand where you are - hoping to reconcile. Just beware and take care you YOU. I let my stbx come home THREE times only to have him leave me again for the same woman. I don't regret it, every marriage is worth fighting for - I just don't believe he was honest with me from the beginning. I think he knew all along what he wanted but couldn't come to terms with being "that guy," as he puts it. So decide now what your deal breakers are and stick to them. And if it doesn't come to pass, remember that as much as we feel we have lost - they are losing much, much more. No one can ever take away all you had together and no other woman will EVER have that with him. He'll realize that someday... but likely not soon enough.

Wishing you strength, courage and wisdom.

Looking4Me: I'm glad you liked that! I hope it made you smile! My daughter and I were talking today and this is the things that angers me more than anything...if my husband was so unhappy why couldn't he just tell me and leave instead of carrying on an affair that lasted 3 years (they aren't even together anymore)? He made our marriage such a hell and it didn't have anything to do with me,but everything with him. Selfish SOB! He was so mean, bringing her into our home while I was at work, getting caught with her at his job (in a greenhouse no less!), treating our daughter and I like we were second class citizens. I know they had many laughs at my expense. Such an immature way to handle things. A gentleman never would have done what he did and even though he's moved on to another woman he's probably still bad mouthing me. That's o.k. though, there's his story and then there's the truth. I'm rambling, I know. I'm sorry. It's feels go to vent. Thank you for allowing me to do so! I know I have mentioned this before...Sara Groves...wonderful singer. If any of you have a chance pull up the lyrics to her song, "Less Like Scars". It's beautiful and so appropriate for all of us, especially those of us who have great faith in God! I wish all of you a pleasant, peaceful evening!

We all talk about giving them a second, third or more chances. But me I refuse to be hurt again by stbx. I do not trust or respect him in any manner whatsoever. End of story. And I do not want to patch things up. Trust and respect the hardest to earn but the easiest to lose. Can you really trust them after all the hurt and anger they have caused. I do not think so. And these ow/om how can you trust them. If they can do it to their families what is stopping them from doing it to you. Give your head a shake. I am going to be happy, happiness is the best revenge we have. They expect us to be miserable without them. Well, they sure have a surprise waiting.

Soon will be 31 yrs. for me. but the marriage has been dying for the last 15 years or so, Just recently, I have found that I don't miss her, but I do miss having someone to share with, to do for, basically to love, but not her as a person. Does that make sense? As every day passes I feel more alive than I have felt in many a year. If we had started the divorce process 15 years ago i would most likely be nothing more than a sniveling basket case... So by way of deduction it must take approx. 15 years to heal a 31 year marriage. half of the time you were married.

Hi tamisue,
I agree, staying in touch with him is the worst thing you can do if letting go is what you want to do. I was married 36 yrs, found out he had been screwing around with his secretary for the last 14 yrs, devastating. I did the same thing you are doing and we ended up back together. It lasted for 6yrs but I couldn't seem to move on as well as he thought I should have, and leave it in the past like it didn't happen which is what he wanted. As time went by I could see he was treating me with more disrespect, started getting ignorant etc, this from the Bastard that destroyed my heart, my family, our lives that could have been so beautiful. I finally left, signed the divorce papers last week. I your hope is to get back together then of course you have to keep the lines of communication open, but honestly tamisue if you want a split you can't keep doing what you are doing, it only kills another piece of your heart everytime you do it. Take some time to let yourself think about what is GOOD FOR YOU now and in the future. I know it is easier said then done, you will figure it out in your own time, take care of your heart sweetheart, I know your pain and it hurts like hell. Remember you are never alone. Praying for you tamisue

15 years married, 26 together. It hurts so bad. I wish I had the answers. I, too, am having difficulty letting go. I keep thinking it is a dream.

22 years and he's leaving; doesn't love me anymore, but I'm his "best friend." He wants to stay friends? This is driving me crazy. 2 Children (18 and 14). I just want him back. The more involved I stay with him, the more pain.