Sorry to bother you all again! I feel so lost, the pit in my stomach is huge and I can't eat or sleep and I am a mess! My divorce should be over in about a month. All I do is cry. I have talked with my stbx for a few hours yesterday and today. I told him I just don't know if I am ready for the finality of all this, 24 years is a long time! I'm Catholic and I know that even in the case of divorce I will always be married to him. I know divorce is accepted due to adultery, but I am having such a hard time going through with the divorce. I told him I was worried about getting cancer or heart disease (one of the other will get me...both run rampany in my family) and not having insurance. He told me we could do one of two things: (1)I could call my lawyer and tell her I need more time (I want to talk to my priest) and then make a decision, or (2) we could go through with it and if I got sick he would remarry me (sounds corny I know). You all probably think I have lost my mind. I told him I was afraid that he might try to hurt me (he lives across the country and our separation agreement was done in NC...if he decided to file he could try to change what we had agreed upon in NC) and he told me if there was some legal document he could sign saying he wouldn't try to change anything he would sign it. He also said he didn't blame me for not taking him at his word after what he did and that if nothing else he would send me some money to put into my account as "collateral" that he wouldn't go back on his word. I really want to believe him. I know I couldn't take him back NOW, but maybe down the road a few years I could. I am so scared of making the wrong decision and having to live with it for the rest of my life. He told me the ball was in my court and he would stand by whatever decision I made. He just wants me to be at peace after everything we've been through the past few years and he doesn't want me to hurt anymore than I already do. I am so sorry for sounding like such an idiot. Thank you for "listening"!
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