I have spent so much time, crying, wondering why, pretending life wasnt falling apart in front of my eyes, but lately I have started to slowly realize that even though I did not want this and would have given anything to fix it, I cant fix it, I cant change it, I can only live with it. I am not going to be a victim anymore. I know that in the scheme of 21 years 6 weeks is not a long time to mourn and I am so sure that I am going to have ALOT of bad days in the very near future, but I am going to work so hard on me, I am going to work so hard and having a life I need, I dont deserve it, I am not entitled to it, I just want to be happy. I am going to stop focusing on the why's, I have said before that there is no answer that is goo enough so if I take all the energy that I spend on wondering and wishing, maybe, just maybe I will come out the other side of this a better person.
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