Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I have been married for over 23+years [together 25+yrs] at the beginning of december he told me he was leaving me,to say i was devastated is really an understatement! i thought i knew this man,i thought we,d grow old together sadly it wasen,t meant to be,what he didn,t tell me at first was that he was e-mailing a woman who,d gone to the same school as him,just before he left me he asked if i minded him going to his first school reunion,of course i said i didn,t mind as he has always been very honest with me,i never in a million years thought my husband would ever lie to me or hurt me,he went to his reunion and he was really happy and wanted me to know all about it and i was happy for him and listened,however within ten minutes he was snapping at me and being nasty [this had been going on since march last year i thought it was due to stress] well to cut a long story short he finally admitted he,d been e-mailing another woman when he came back from the reunion he kept talking about a lady called michelle so i guessed it was her,he told me at first that he wanted to move out as living with me was hard work,i was gutted i wanted to die,i wanted my special husband who had always been a gentle giant to tell me it was just a bad nightmare,and he wasen,t gonna leave me,but he didn,t and believe it or not i helped him furnish his new flat etc,then two week,s before christmas he told me she was coming over to live with him that was it! he,d not only lied to me he had hurt me so bad that i was a total mess,[i am fighting cancer as well as other major health issues]he came round christmas day to be honest he might as well just stayed away, our christmas had been ruined,two weeks ago he told me she was coming over and as promised he was allowing her to move in with him[he,s got a one bedroomed flat] so a week and a day ago she came to live with him,i had hoped that he wouldn,t ever hurt me this bad but he did,i was rushed here [i,m in hospital] and our son callum told me that his whore [her!] and him wanted him to go out with for a drink,my son went ballistic and put his fist,s through two of my door,s which he has now had repaired he also left his father in no doubt that he doe,s not want to meet her,since all this started i have lost weight i have now gotta another cancer back and cuz i,ve got no kidneys i am also have dialysis,last night he came to see me and told me that this whore is arguing alot with him [like i care NOT!] and she wants two of her kid,s to visit [she,s married with three kid,s her old man is supposed to be a womaniser but it didn,t bother her that my husband was married!] well when i looked at my husband he looked very sick,we may no longer be together but i must admit i am a little worried about his health plus he hardly knows this woman,it,s too late for us now but i want him to be happy,i am however still devastated but i cannot ever have him back because i would never ever trust him again, because that is how his relationship started they started talking online at my husbands work,i think it,s very sad that he,s left me because he couldn,t have sex on tap,i am in acute chronic pain 24.7 i have cancer and am undergoing treatment as well as dialysis,i can,t let him hurt me anymore and although he doesn,t wanna divorce,i have now started divorce proceedings, i can,t understand what i did so very wrong for him to do this to me? i,m not saying i,m perfect but why has he done this? why?
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Your husband sounds like he is already having regrets. To hell with him being happy. What about your happiness? What about your chldren's happiness? He made the choice to walk away. Some men can't handle a sick spouse. My therapist is on emergency call at our local hospital. When a woman gets a serious diagnosis many men walk out. She never gets called for women walking out.
This is going to be a long hard road. Come to this site often. We help one another on a daily basis. Hugs and prayers to you.
I am so sorry you are in this heartache. None of us ever thought our long term marriages would end this way. Some men are just so selfish and self-centered that they can't see past their own di.... well, nevermind.
Anyway, welcome to this site. You will find much help and support here. Most of us have been where you are and we will help you every step of the way. Hugs to you hon. Hang in there.
My stbx did the same to me and for a very long time I looked for the faults all within me. It's not me and it's not you. Your H is only thinking of his self and what makes him happy. He unfortunately decided he wanted to have his old life back where he was center of attention, where his significant other makes him feel like you used too. This is the life he choose let him deal with all of the concesquences.
Please try not to let his health bother you he is looking for your pitty and understanding. I know this because this is what mine did to me as well . He wants you to be his friend as long as it is convenient for him look at what you have done for him already.
Now it is time that you start a new chapter in your life, somedays will be the best and others days you will think what the hell have I done. Those days make sure you log and and vent we are all here for you. Having someone to talk to about your troubles really does make you feel better . We are all one BIG Family here, so welcome and come and share or just read others posts. It is always nice to know that you are not alone and you will make it through this. Hugs to you love.
Please lean on us whenever you need! We are always here and you will get a shoulder to cry on, many who are in the same marital situation, love, hugs, and people to cry, scream, and even laugh with sometimes!
You will be in my thoughts! Please take care of yourself and know we care!! We are family!
Sending you many hugs!!!
I hope your health improves; I cannot imagine how helpless you must feel lying in the hospital. The previous posters are so right in that please, please visit this board often as I find comfort here even though I mostly lurk. I have NO one in my daily life who is living what I am and can understand like I think the members here can understand.
((((hugs)))) to you and all of us.
You deserve so much better. And I wouldn't feel one bit sorry for him. He chose the life he wants. Let him suffer.
You take care of yourself. Hugs, hugs, hugs.
My wish for you is that you have a therapist of a counseler to help you in person get through this. I would not have made it without professional help,well I may have made it but I would not have been in the place I am today. I encourage a lot of people to do this. For someone that has and is battling a life threatening illness and divorce at the same time there are people that have been through this and I hope that the Kidney Association or the American Cancer groups would be a good place for you also. I have met woman who have gone through a divore when diagnosed with breast cancer and have got support from others that are battling cancer and the end of a marriage.
I commend you for filing for divorce, that takes courage and you have taken a big step, the first step to taking back your own life. You are very strong to have made it through some of the horrible events of your life, take strength from that, and in my opinion you will move forward and it will be different, but in the end better. I have never heard of anyone having more on their "plate" so to speak than you. Please come here and welcome, I wish it was under better circumstances.
I want to say that you have already contributed on the giving end to this board, if I felt the least bit teeny sorry for myself this cold snowy Sat morning, this should snap me and anyone else out of it, because your grace and strength should inspire all of us. My best to you...
ow/om is other woman or other man
Word,s cannot express the way i feel right now,my only son has been fantastic however my illness,s are not new to my husband,when we got married he knew i was sick as i was going through chemo and i was in end stage renal failure,luckly at the time they tried several drugs and i managed to stay off dialysis and for several years i was okish but i was lucky enough to still lead a normal life i worked for several years as well as practically bringing our son up alone as my husband was in the armed services,i also held down a fulltime job,several years ago,things went pear shaped and things ended up to where i am now,i can,t understand what i,ve done so very wrong for this man to walk out on me,i helped him through post tramatic stress as well as trying to keep myself going,my husband and has shouted screemed at me,i have held this man in my arm,s when he cried like a baby,however i will not have anyone say anything bad about my husbands parenting because he has been a fantastic father and still is,but i can honestly say now they are still good friends my son as told his father he doesn,t want to meet his whore and thats basically it,words really cannot express my gratutude for all you help and advice thank you all so very much,i,m still very raw and i know it,s gonna be a long haul but i am determind to hold my head high and get on with living my life,i have our son and i,m gonna get through this and i know i,ll have good and bad days now i have people who understand what i,m going through thank you all shaz xxx
What matters now is you, only you. Your son knows that. As hard as it may seem, you need to focus your energies on your body healing itself. His life is his business now. Take that 'feeling sorry for him' emotion and pray for him - but then let him go. As they say - he made his bed. Don't waste energy on hating him, loving him, feeling sorry for him, wanting him - preserve your energy for you. When you are finally well, then you can deal with the rest of your life. Will keep praying for you. And my prayer today is that you'll have a miraculous recovery, physically and emotionally - enough to help you rest in peace and grace. Take care.