Hi. I am looking for a place where I might be able to open up a little bit and get used to the idea of social interaction out side of me. I feel so stupid right now and extremely embarressed that I don't have a support system out side of my therapist and if I could just learn to talk to people maybe I can grow more. I'm really afraid of anyone getting close to me or even loving me yet I yearn for that more then anything. I have no friends because I isolate. We are functioning on the very basics. I manage to get to the store for food, and any other needs that may need to be taken care of and I know this sounds awful but even though I don't have all the pices of going to the store, I rather not remember anyway. I feel like I live in my own private borarding school. It's somtimes so much talking that I just zone out and sit on my bed for hours. Or at least it sure feels that way. Please someone, I have been running from myselves for so long soooooooooooooo terrified, with so much anguish and my remedy has been DENY, DENY, DENY! but the walls are breaks behnd me and I can't keep running. I want to jump into posts and stuff, but please bear with me. I am a walking contradiction and I don't always have an awareness of how far away or close up I am and thats not to not take responsibilty.It's just that I don't know all of me too well. I hope this makes some sense. Thank you for lisitening to me. I have so many questions I could use others support with. If I'm not welcome here please tell me too. I wont get my feelings hurt.
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