I was diagnosed with Type 1 when I was 13. I'm 25 now and am struggling with getting my sugar levels where they should be. When I was first diagnosed I had a large amount of ketones in my system and was rushed to the hospital. It was scary. It's a lot for a 13 year old to take in at one time with learning all about this disease you just learned you have and are going to have your whole life. I did great for about the first year I had diabetes. I was very strict with myself because I was so afraid of the consequences if I wasn't. Then when I started realizing I could get away with not doing as much and still feel ok, it started going downhill. I knew even though I still felt ok, I knew it could do long term damage to my body and I could be feeling a lot better if I was taking proper care of myself. It still didn't help me do everything I needed to. Then when I was almost 20 I got pregnant so things really needed to change. That's when I got my insulin pump and it helped tremendously. I took better care of myself while I was pregnant than I ever had in my life, but of course that was mostly because I knew I had another life growing inside me and I couldn't live with myself if something happened to my baby because of things I did or didn't do. I got my A1C down to 6.8 which was a huge improvement because when I first found out I was pregnant, it was around 12, which as I'm sure you know, is a dangerous place to be. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and delivery and a 100% healthy little girl who is now 5. I'm still on my pump, but unfortunately I've seemed to have gone back to my old ways of not doing all the right things. I really struggle with checking my blood sugars. I'm supposed to do it 4-6 times a day and sometimes I won't even do it at all. I know that we as diabetics can still eat things we like to an extent, but sometimes I also forget to take the extra insulin for the carbs I eat. I get really ashamed of myself that I don't do what I should when I have a little girl who depends on me to be the healthiest mom I can be and it would break my heart for her to grow up without me or for me to suffer any sort of tragic complications from this disease such as going blind and not being able to see her grow up or my kidneys failing and not being here for her at all. It's all very scary and challenging, but I know that's not an excuse to not do everything I can to be as healthy as I can be. What's even harder is I have depression and anxiety which doesn't help me want to try as hard as I should a lot of the time and I know that my blood sugars being out of control can also effect the depression so it's like an endless cycle. I almost died once because I was really sick with the flu and my pump malfunctioned and I hadn't realized it. I passed out at home and luckily my mom came to my house and found me and I was rushed to the ER. I was unconscious for a whole day and when I woke up I was hooked to antibiotics for pneumonia because I had aspirated vomit while I was lying on the floor, a tube was keeping the vomit pumped out of my stomach, and I was on oxygen because of the pneumonia too. It was the scariest moment of my life and I definitely pay a lot more attention to my blood sugars and insulin pump when I'm sick, but somehow I still struggle so hard to do all the other necessary things I need to do. I know I already have some nerve damage in my legs and poor circulation in my hands and feet, get sick a lot with random colds such because of my compromised immune system. I know I'm lucky that's the only damage I've had to deal with thus far. I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me here, trust me. I know there are people dealing with much more serious complications. I just wanted to tell my story and see if any of you have struggled as hard to take care of yourselves and if you ever got past it, and if so, how did you finally get there? Sometimes it's just hard for me to imagine a completely normal, healthy, and especially a long life living with diabetes. I know people say diabetes doesn't have to be a death sentence, but it's so scary to thing that it easily could be. Thanks in advance to everyone who's here to share their experiences, thoughts, and support, and for taking your time to read this long post. This is the first support group I've every joined and I'm looking forward to being a part of it. :)
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