i take the blame if its my fault and dont if its not!! most of time its my fault!

yu have to take what makes yu happy and to have fun in this life as it is for yu now and let the rest gooooo.:)

But what about situations/feelings where the cause is unclear?

I think things happen for a reason , which is how we learn.. we can do things the text book way but it doesnt work for everyone.

as you long as you learn you cannot blame yourself..

I feel its important to forgive ourselves for any mistakes and try not to repeat them.
When its a grey area as to who is to blame its best to just let it go.
I think we could all beat ourselves up the whole day long but what does that do but make us feel worse.
And victim mentality is a sad place to be,I was a victim and now I am more then a surviver, thats the mentality I like to keep.
Hugs!

But that's the thing, is it healthier to blame yourself or others?

i think its healthier to know the difference! some things r my fault, some r other ppls fault and some r just circumstances that cant be blamed on anyone. tricky question to answer really

I find it difficult to let things go. I constantly replay things over and over in my head.

don't blame yurself but take ownership of it, get therapy to help yu figure it out the best yu can, put in its place and go on with yur life.

Thank you SuyB, that might help me. I think it all stems from low self esteem.

yur welcome Gothic:)
I hope it helps to say to that somethings just happen to us because we are in the wrong place at the wrong time and sometimes good things happen to us because we are in a good place at the time. LOL and that one my friend yu will always question. LOL:)

Very true SuyB.

Ok so what about this. You go out with some friends and you're very friendly to everyone but one of the people is repeatedly unfriendly to you.
Now I know I know, it's their problem, we deserve better etc but what if it's a few people that dont seem to think much of you and cant even be bothered to make conversation with you?
Is it all them or is there something wrong with you?

its there problem.
especially if they don't want to open up and talk to yu about what bothers them.
in that case, ignore right back and be unfriendly right back. but understand too that some ppl want yu to make the first move to be friendly and accept them before they are friendly to yu? I don't know the exact situation, but it is there problem. and don't feel like its yur fault at all.

we also show jealousy, insecurity by being unfriendly to someone we don't really know. or either a holier than thou attitude: oh I know something about yu that I don't think I like and Im so much better than yu, so I can treat yu anyway I want.

I'm always friendly to people when I forst meet them so maybe it is their problem. i can accept that not everyone is gonna like you but I dont understand why some people are just unnecessarily unfriendly when there's really no reason to be.
You see I blame myself, I think i must be boring, they think I'm too stupid to talk to, they dont care about what i think or feel. But sometimes I think, well, i always have something to chat about and maybe if they cant up with some decent converstaion, maybe it's jsut coz they're boring?
But then ofcourse they talk to others so I'm right back to blaming myself.