Ok so the title seems a bit harsh... But just put that sentance into this idea; how people view you. Have you ever felt like you cannot air things anymore or share parts of yourself because of others? I know it's easy to "blame" people for how you feel, when the 'righteous' thing to do is to take control of your own feelings - however - what if it gets in the way of you being able to be yourself? 'you're too much to deal with', 'you are too high maintenance'. When I hear some people tell me to 'forget' my past, it always appears to me as a statement that really means 'you don't fit nicely into my little routine; you are too much for me to handle'. Of course the people who say that will back themselves up by saying 'no I didn't mean completely forget, just move on'. As if they know better, as if they have found that all important key in life that stops them reflecting on their past - in conversations over the dinner table, or at the pub, or when you hear a song that reminds you of your ex. They live 'in the moment', or maybe they are just influenced by society to be over involved with goals for the future, or to be pressured into not feeling what comes naturally to all of us. If we were all 'living in the moment' people, wouldn't we be to some extent all the same? Or even, perfect? To me those ideas seem absurd. I for one, in my personal experience find the pressure of being 'here right now', and 'doing the right thing' a bit overboard. We all have duties to attend to, we all believe that we have obligations and sometimes some of us need those routines to keep us occupied and in place, but wouldn't it be nice to just take a vaccation away from what we are expected to do? The trouble is, it doesn't happen often. We have a choice; to dwell on things that have happened and learn from those experiences and gain strength from it, and be allowed to discuss it with a new perspective - still dwell on things that have passed and sink further into a hole of dispair, or lastly be a 'live now' person and block out who you really are and how you got here in the first place, the individual, your identity, masked for the purpose of getting everything over and done with, without having a chance to look around you and actually 'feel' like you are alive rather than just existing. Next time you are too "complicated" for someone, ask them how they got to be so perfect and wonder if it really is worth being the same as everyone else - then forget about them, they are now your new past.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have over the years several boxes that I consider boxes of memories filled with little mementos and scraps of paper that probably a worthless scraps to anyone else but me. I’m also a writer, or rather aspiring one, and have been writing since I can remember.Most of my early work is long before the age of personal computers so confined to paper but I have what my husband considers a completely...
Can’t stop crying. I was triggered by a jerk at the store who went off on me for saying “fuck it” when I decided I didn’t want to wait in the long line for lunch meat. There were no children around, I wasn’t upset, but apparently I am white trash. Now I am prepping for my 2 and a half hour drive to pickup my kids from my abusive. Keep thinking about how I messed up my life...