well tommarow i go to court to plead not guilty. some people are telling me that the prosacuter will offer me a plea but i know in my heart that i can take no plea bargin. i did not do this. they say if i take a plea i might be home in a week but i cant say i did this because i am not that person. its not a good day today as i am very anxious and thinking about court all the time. jesus i wish this was over. i just want to try to put my family back together again. it was 10 degrees last night and i left my car running almost all night long. i would not recommend that to any one. but it was just too cold outside. i came home about 6:30 am so i could shower and get warm, visiting with wife and kids today, maybe well take in a movie on the tube and eat some popcorn. my wife wants me to take some of my disability money and get a room somewhere but i will not take food out of my kids mouths. she has the same bills that we had before all of this and i dont want to be a burden. i have made up my mind about one thing if i am found guilty and lord i hope im not but the people will not have to pay for me to sit in jail im not afraid of going but if i was dead my wife and kids will get my social security for sure and that is the way it will be. there is nothing that anyone can do to me now that hasnt already been done to me. i just want all to know no matter what the outcome is I DID NOT AND WOULD NOT INTENTIONALLY HURT ANYONE EVER IN MY LIFE. I LOVE MY WIFE AND KIDS AND ONLY THEN WILL GOD JUDGE ME. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS.
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