Ok so I'm in therapy, supposedly on the right meds, so why do I still have thoughts of hurting myself? It's been a year since I was first admitted to the psych hospital and I still have recurring thoughts of suicide and of cutting my arms up. I try to suppress these thoughts, but a new crisis comes along and boom! my first inclination is to go back that dark place and think I might be better off dead. I hate this. All I have to do is think about all the bad stuff that has happened since my mom died last year and I immediately just want to be gone so I don't have to think about the bad stuff anymore. I don't want to end up back in the psych ward again EVER, but when I start having bad thoughts, I don't know, I almost think being locked up again might be the best place for me. I just want to be better. I hate feeling like crap all the time. I just want to feel like a normal, happy person again. It's really been 20 years since I felt that way. I can always dream about not being depressed.....
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