theres been fucked off even more fucked off i bit more fucked off then that and then theres me, let me explain. like thoes of you that read my last journal entry you told me to tell my councilor i did now correct me if im wrong but if someone told you they heard voices, saw things and had to the craving to commit random homicides would you A) be very concerned for your patient tell them that you will do all you can to help B) perscribe some kind of medication to maybe just maybe take the edge off this or C) do absaloutely fuck all. Hmmmmm which i wonder. well my councilor oppted for sinareo C) do absaloutely fuck all. he asked me yet again for i dont know the millionth time to define hearing voices well derr i hear voces i hear two people speaking inside my head proper voices as if you and i were talking in my head so he said so the voices are inside your head yes i think i clarified that a miniute again you deaf twat (so i dint say that to him coz that would be rude but i wanted to knob head) he did not touch on my visions about how i see shadows and he did not touch on the fact that a have homicidal thoughts strange i thought and scary but neither the less he did not mention about them just said that i do not present the case of someone who hears voices (for the past so many months he came across as understanding today its like hes had some forme of labottomy or something) anyway i asked what he meant he siad that usually if someone hears voices which tell you to kill yourself you would respond by jerking your head or something (he knows i hear the voices ffor inside my head not outside to the side or what not) i explained that when im around people they get the message im not gonna be listening to them so they scream yell shout make a load of noise and generally be a pain in the arse which gives me this screwed up headache which makes me wanna pass out with the pain (i told him this and low and behold this did not concern him either). I took a family friend with me for moral support shes a nurse and ive told her whats been happening she said that to her she would of thought i would of been referred to the crisis team again and maybe a stint in hospital when we came out after seeing him she was like well hes a load of shit she was horrified.

oh and he says im stressed which is why im feeling this way, the only reason im stressed is becoz he is not helping me, im stressed this afternoon becoz of him but generaly im not a stressfull person im pretty placid and let alot things slide

so to summerise i have to be foaming at the mouth and jerking my head around more times then if i were trying to proove to a driving instructor i was using my mirrors on my driving test the mental health system is beyond fucked up my cpn is a mother fucking cock arse twat

i apologise for all the swearing

why wont anyone help me thats all im asking for some help