Monday I was so happy until my friends husband told me i would not be welcome on thanksgiving because he wanted it just to be him her and the kids as it is probably her last thanksgiving. she invited me not him. A week ago she mentioned that he had said something however she told him I was coming. Turns out he is taking them to Chicago. she wanted me to go along and he said no. She hates her husband and was planning to file for divorce before the cancer diagnosis. So My thanksgiving will be spent alone except for the parade. I understand yet it still was very disappointing. My daughter hasent spoken to me since she said I was a rotten tree that should not have produced any fruit. Damaged goods in essence. I so hate that kind of thinking. If she knew about the brain tumor she would be helping me like white on rice. However, I am not telling her.I dont want pity love. Depression was not a real enough illness for her to care about me. It made her uncomfortable. Hell how does it make me feel? My son leaves today for the american virgin islands supposedly. I didnt allow him to meet with me. I just could not handle it.l Not knowing if he would come in here and steal or physically abuse me. so I think a culmination of all these things has caused me to feel down. Saturday, I am going to go help give a tour. I just cant go back to staying in bed again. this morning I even thought about checking myself into the hospital. I wont do that for sure.I just need to dig myself out again.
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